Thinking of You
by hannah-jennifer
Summary: A collection of song-inspired one-shots. McSwarek. Chapter 18, When I Was Your Man. PS, if anyone has any suggestions or songs that you don't want to write, PM me or write it in a review. Guess what? I'm back
1. Chapter 1

**Thanks to anyone who reviewed my other story, Back to You. This is a multi-chapter fic. Each based on different songs I feel relate to them. Enjoy **

**Thinking of You**

**Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse**

_Desperate for changing_

_Starving for truth_

_I'm closer then where I started_

_Chasing after you_

Oliver watched his friend order another drink. He lost count after five, but that was well over an hour ago, so he must have had a lot more. The bartender handing Sam another scotch, he watched as he downed it in 3 gulps.

"Sammy, buddy, don't you think that's enough?" Oliver asked, worried.

"I just-I just need it to change. Everything, it just needs to change. I need to know if she wants me then she needs to tell me, I'm done chasing," he admitted.

"Sorry, to say brother, that's what you said last time." The look Sam gave him told Oliver that he shouldn't have said anything. But he needed to know. And Oliver needed to get McNally to admit her feelings before Sammy goes into depression. She broke up with Callaghan months ago, but still hadn't made her move. Sam was convinced she wasn't ready, when all she could ever do was stare at him. He had talked to her earlier that day, he had asked her to make a move, because Sam wouldn't make the first. He knew it was wrong to play with their love life, but this was ridiculous.

"I'll be right back, Sammy," Oliver said as he got up and walked outside. He pulled out his phone; dialing the number he had watched Sam dial so many times before. He waited three rings before she picked up.

"Oliver," she sighed, "I can't talk while I'm driving, make this quick."

"Hurry up, Sammy's drinking himself under. He'll be past drunk, soon," he informed her. He heard a car horn as a car pulled into the parking lot. He looked up and seen Nash and McNally in it. Nash put the car in park before taking the keys out of the ignition. She stepped out of the car, waving to Oliver as she entered the Penny. Andy stepped out after her, standing in front of Shaw. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking over his shoulder to see the Penny door.

"What do you want me to do? I don't even know what to say," she stuttered, slightly. Oliver turned, walking towards the door, expecting her to follow.

"Well, first, get him out of here. Take him back to his place, or something. He's drunk right now, so don't admit anything until he sobers up. Let him sleep it off, tell him in the morning. I'll go tell him you're here, and then I'll go see Epstein. Sound like a plan?" he asked. They were in the entrance, and Andy was staring at Sam. She nodded her head, following Oliver in the direction of Sam. He slid up next to Sam, tapping him on the shoulder.

When Sam turned his head to look at Shaw, he started, "Uh, McNally here is going to take you home, since I'm a little drunk myself. I'm going to get Epstein to drive me, okay?" Sam nodded, hardly listening. He was staring at Andy now; taking her in. she was wearing a black tank top with a dipping neckline, and jeans. Her hair was down and wavy and he never thought he had seen her so beautiful. He swallowed, putting money on the counter.

Andy grabbed his hand, helping him up. She took his arm and placed it around her shoulder, her arm around his waist. They slightly stumbled out of the Penny, going to Sam's truck. She opened the passenger side, letting him climb in. she went around the front, jumping into the drivers' seat. She grabbed his keys, put them into the ignition and pulled out. The drive was relatively silent, until Sam spoke up.

"So, you came just for me?"

"What?" _Shit, how'd he know? That sounds kinda stupid, McNally. 'Oh, Andy, you came just for me, blah blah blah!'_

"You didn't drink, you just walked in and now you are driving me home," he said, eyeing her up. She squirmed under his gaze, instead making it look like she was trying to get comfortable.

"Actually, Oliver called me. Asked me to come pick you up. Take you home, ya know?" Well, she wasn't _completely_ lying. He _did ask her_ to come pick him up.

"Oh, okay," he sighed, sounding disappointed. The pulled into his driveway, she grabbed the keys and went around to help him out of the truck. They walked up the front steps and she unlocked the door. She almost dropped the keys when two strong arms wrapped around her waist. His lips immediately on her neck, she turned her head to give more access. Once she got the door unlocked, she opened it quickly, running in, almost making him fall. He tried to grab her again, drunk and desperate to make her, his. She pushed him off, and he backed off. _I knew she didn't want me._

As if reading his mind, she started, "Sam, wait. I want this. I want a relationship, I do," she took a steadying breath, not knowing how to explain this. "But not when you're drunk. I'll be here in the morning and we can talk then," she promised. She walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and his arms came around her middle. He held onto her tightly, as if she was his life support, _which she is._ He kissed her hair, hugging her tighter.

"Come to bed with me," when he felt her tense, he continued, "just for sleep. Don't worry, I won't try anything." She nodded against him, letting him grab her hand and lead her. They stripped down, him in his boxers, her in one of his shirts. He lay on the bed, grabbing her and holding her tight to his chest.

RBRBRBRBRBRBRB

Sam awoke, he reached out his hand, and he found air. _Where is she?_ He sat up, threw on some sweatpants and left the bedroom, grabbed the water and Aspirin that was on his nightstand, and drank it. He padded into the kitchen, and couldn't keep from smiling. Andy was making breakfast, still in his shirt, humming to a song on the radio. He recognized the song, and almost laughed at how it related to his 'Andy' situation, before she broke up with Callaghan.

"_Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete, I'll take you're invitation and you'll take all of me, now! I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held on to. I'm standing here until you make me move, just hanging by a moment here with you."_

She stopped, a blush rising up her neck to her face, when Sam coughed behind her. She went back to quietly making breakfast, Sam wrapping his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. She turned around, pecked him on the lips, and hugged him. She never wanted to leave, ever. If anything had happened to them, this was a moment that they could remember, always.

_I'm living for the only thing I know_

_I'm running and not quite sure where to go_

_I don't know what I'm diving into_

_Hanging by a moment here with you_

**Hope you liked it! I started it after chapter 2 or 3 of Back to You, but then I forgot about it. Haha, when I first heard this song, well, actually, the first time I heard this song after watching RB, I thought **_**'Hey! That's probably what Sam was thinking, or feeling!'**_**. Yeah, is it sad that that's all I think about? Sandy? Haha. R&R PLEASE! Hoped you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second, or third, I should say, chapter of Thinking of You. I did something horrible; I read the spoilers for episode 9/10. Did I mention I cried? No, not cried, bawled. So I thankfully have my best friend planning to watch it with me, so she can hold me while I cry. Anyways, ****THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR 3.09 AND 3.10. ****Now, I'm trying to make it easy, not use the names mentioned give away to much, but either way, you may put two and two together.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue**

**RBRBRBRB**

**The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting**

**Could it be that we have been this way before**

They've been arguing.

Not arguing; fighting. Full on I'm-going-for-a-walk-doesn't-return-until-early-morning fighting. It's usually Sam who storms out, unable to deal with looking at her anymore. He just keeps thinking about what happened; he couldn't lose anyone else, especially her.

He stays, though, for as long as he can. Watching her wild hand movements, angry pointing and pushing him back. He knows her nostrils flair, her jaw clenches. He knows that all her movements cause her hair to mess up, wild and tangled. Her eyes changed to dark brown, angry flecks of gold reflecting the dim light.

This night was like all the others; Andy accusing him of something and Sam shifting closer and closer to the door, hand on the door knob. It only took her taking one threatening step towards him to make him turn the knob, pulling the door in. He raised a hand in surrender, slipping through the crack and walking into the hall.

He stormed down the stairs, not bothering with a coat, and crashed through the door. Within minutes of his walk, he was soaked to the bone. He trekked his way to his destination, never slowing until he reached it. Cars blared their horns as he ran across the street, unwilling to wait for a cross walk.

**I know you don't think that I am trying**

**I know you're wearing thin down to the core**

He was well aware that she couldn't deal with this. All the fighting between them, when he was her rock, the one she depended on. She knew that he was grieving, everyone at the station was. She comforted the two people she knew had lost everything when they lost him. He knew that she knew that. But he felt guilty, piling everything on her. She didn't deserve any of it.

But she put up with it, with him. He didn't know why. She had every chance to just leave, but she didn't. She stayed by his side, even when he didn't want her to. But she knew, she knew that he needed her by his side.

But in the past week, things have been very tough on her, to the point where she lashed out at him. Only him though, no one else. Maybe she knew that he wouldn't leave her, no matter how bad his mental state was. He wouldn't leave without a fight.

_But isn't that all you're doing?_

It had to stop; he had to stop putting everything on her. No matter how much she was willing to take, he had to stop.

But it had been hard on her. She thought she could, but she couldn't take anymore. He could tell how much he had hurt her, in her eyes, it was plain to see.

The fight this time? She accused him that he didn't trust her instinct. Which was a lie. He trusted her more than anyone else. Her instinct, even if that was a bit off, turned out to pay off in the end.

But he knew where the thought came from.

That day, that miserable day, they had a call for a B&E. Nothing too big. Until they arrived, that is.

"McNally, take the back. I'm going through the front," he instructed. Andy merely nodded, raised her gun, and rounded the back of the house. He breathed in for a second, counting to three, before kicking the door in. The loud clanging leading her to do the same to the back door. They both entered quickly and with stealth, making brief eye contact before examining the room.

It was empty. They waited a moment, only to be greeted by silence. Sam raised a hand, pointing in the direction on the kitchen. She followed his lead, leaving her partner to inspect upstairs. He climbed the stairs and turned right through the hall, silently. He could hear the muffled words of two people talking, but it was hushed. He couldn't call over his radio, it was make too much sound. He didn't know how to contact her.

"Shut up, just shut up before I shoot you," a shaky voice threatened, muffled by the thin wall. Sam stepped up to the door, pressing his shoulder up, silently listening to the situation.

"Please, take what you want, just don't hurt me, please," a young feminine voice begged, hitching and breaking. Another quick movement and a cut off scream, Sam pushed the door in, shoulder throbbing shortly after. He raised his gun, pointing it as the assailant.

"Put the gun down," he ordered, voice calm and smooth. The man holding the gun was young, maybe 19, 20. His red hair was scruffy, in total disarray. His green eyes were wild and shifting from Sam, to his gun, to the young lady. He stood about 5'9", his scrawny frame covered by a blue polo shirt and jeans. He was shifting from one foot to the other, trying to determine his next move.

"Sir, I said put the gun down," Sam repeated, eyes moving to look at the young girl. She was in rough shape, blood matting her blonde hair, a cut down the side of her face. Her blue eyes were wide and scared; her small body huddled in the corner.

The boy looked at Sam, visibly perking up at the sound of movement from the hall. Sam risked a turn to see, McNally coming into view. He nodded to her, not waiting for her response, before turning back to the gunman.

Sam slowly made his way into the room, careful not to stress out the kid. He stood in the back of the room, closest to the window. Outside, the other officers had pulled up, so McNally must've called for backup. He raised his hand to the window, telling them to stand back. His eyes connected with Andy's, who still remained in the doorway.

"Hey," she called out softly to the boy, who turned and looked at her, "what's your name?" She stayed quiet, her voice low as she talked to him.

"Mason," he answered voice shaky. Andy nodded, taking a step towards him. "Don't move," he exclaimed, his behavior becoming escalated. Andy gave Sam a hard look when he raised his gun, preparing to shoot.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay back. Mason, my name is Officer McNally. You want to tell me what's going on?" she asked. He shook his head, and she knew she wasn't getting anywhere. The girl was shaking, now. Tears began streaming down her face, mixing with the dried blood. "Alright, fair enough. Do you know her name, Mason?"

"Alexandra."

"Okay, why are you doing this to her, Mason? Did she hurt you?" Andy's voice was calm, yet curious and caring. Mason turned to Alexandra, holding the gun to her. Andy automatically raised her own.

"She ruined everything. She ruined my life," he yelled, the hand holding the gun shaking violently. And nodded, gave Sam a look, telling him to move closer.

"What did she do, Mason? I can't help you if you don't help me," she explained, gun still raised. Mason's face grew red, his whole arm shaking as he threw his body to point the gun at Andy.

"Don't give me that bullshit, you won't help me! It's all over for me. An eye for an eye, she ruined my life, I'm taking hers!" he yelled, putting both hands on the gun to steady it.

"You're ruining your own life right now, okay? You're taking your own life by pointing your gun at a police officer. You pull that trigger, my partner here is pulling his, into the back of your head, okay? Lower your weapon, Mason." She tried to remain calm, but Sam could see the fear striking her.

"Don't tell me what to do!" he yelled, hand squeezing the trigger. Alexandra screamed as three shots rang out, Mason's body falling to the ground, blood making a puddle around his head and abdomen. Alexandra shuffled over to the corner of the room and huddled herself again.

Sam lifted his head, noticing Mason wasn't the only fallen one.

Andy.

She lay there, in the doorway, gasping for air. Sam leaped over Mason's body, falling to his knees beside his partner.

"Andy, Andy, talk to me," he instructed, hand moving under her vest. He sighed in relief when he realized it didn't go through her vest. He cupped her face in his hands, brushing hair out of her face, holding her down while she gasped for air.

He heard the other officers make their way up the stairs, intrigued by the gun shots. Oliver knelt down beside him, calling for another ambulance in a frantic call. Sam undid her vest, pulling it away from her chest as he heard them pronounce Mason still alive. Because she was in the way of necessary EMTs, trying to get in the room, Sam scooped her up gently, moving her further into the hall, by another room.

The paramedics worked on Mason, taking him out in a stretcher. Andy had gained her sense; still trying to get oxygen, but easier now that she wasn't being constricted by her vest. Her hand fumbled around until she could grasp Sam's hand, holding on tight. Sam leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, whispering gentle words to her.

That's what their fight was about. She thought he didn't trust her judgment because he yelled at her for not shooting quicker. In reality, he knew she did the right thing, and the kid was alive because of it. But she could've been killed, and she was the last person he was willing to lose.

**This is not what I intended**

**I always swore to you I'd never fall apart**

He feels horrible about it. He was supposed to be the rock in the relationship, shielding her from heartbreak and pain. He wasn't supposed to be the one to break down and cry. But here he was, sitting in the muddy grass, hunched over, hot tears mixing with the cold rain that hit hard, falling from the sky.

He leans forward, head resting on the headstone, marking his friend's grave. "I'm sorry," he said, "for not trusting your theory. If I had just gone with you, you'd be alive, still. And you'd be happy, having a family again. And now." Sam swallowed and coughed, trying to clear his throat, which had became very tight. "Now you're dead, and I'm taking all my anger out on the one girl I had ever loved. If you were here, you'd tell me what to do. I miss you, brother. I didn't back you up. I always back my brothers up no matter what, and that one time where I couldn't, it came up. And you died. I got you killed."

Sam's shoulders began to shake, half from the cold, half from breaking down. He was glad he was alone, in the dark, in the rain. In the rain where his tears mixed with the drops so no one could tell.

**You always thought that I was stronger**

**I may have failed but I have loved you from the start**

He jumped, slightly, when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. But already knowing who it was, he sunk into her touch, welcomed her. She knew exactly where he'd be, it's where he always ran to since they began fighting.

"Sam," she called quietly, "it's time to come home." Sam looked up at her with red, bloodshot eyes. Her hair was soaked and clung to her face, her clothes slinging to her body as well. He knew he was in the same shape, if not worse.

"Andy," he pleaded, "Just a few more minutes." She nodded, sitting cross-legged, like him, and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

They sat like that for what seemed like forever and a minute all in one, but had only been half an hour. Andy didn't move as she let Sam cry, letting him be vulnerable and grieve. Tears fell from her own eyes, but the rain concealed it. She hated seeing him hurt so much.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "for today. I should've shot." The drive to the graveyard had given her time to think, which she needed to realize that she was wrong. Sam turned and looked at her, bringing a hand to cup her jaw. He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. It was barely a kiss, more so reassurance that she was alive and okay.

"I just don't ever want to lose you, Andy." His eyes were large and the brown practically melting as if it were chocolate. Tears were brimming and spilling over, hot and fast down his cheeks.

"I love you." Andy said, bringing him closer and pressing their lips together in a kiss that promised what she couldn't say in words.

"I love you, too, McNally," he confessed, backing away. "Can we go home, now?" She nodded, standing up and giving him a hand to grasp.

The drive back was silent, except for Sam's teeth chattering every now and then. Once they made it inside her apartment, she had ordered him to get undressed, handing him a towel and telling him to start a bath. He did so without a word, waiting for her in the hot water. Andy entered the bathroom, and lowered herself into the tub, between his legs.

Their cold bodies warmed up, with the help of water and each other. Sam's hand lazily drew patterns over Andy's wet skin, silence still overtaken them. Andy shivered, suddenly, and he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. They laid there, in total utter silence, until Sam decided to break it.

"You know, I just don't want to lose you, right?" he asked, pulling her tighter and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Yeah," she answered, "I can't even start to think how hard it's been on you, and her. I guess I just overlooked it today, saw it as you being overprotective."

"I was being overprotective, Andy, I wasn't willing to lose you." She smiled at his admission, knowing he was laying out his whole soul in front of her.

"I can't promise something won't happen. But I promise to try my hardest to prevent it."

"Good, and McNally?"

"Yes?"

"Let's go to bed, the water's getting cold." Andy chuckled before lifting herself out of the water, getting a fluffy towel. She disappeared in the bedroom, waiting for his return. He found her lying on her side of the bed in one of his T-shirts, waiting. He crawled in after her, waiting for her to roll over. Which she did, and rested her head on his chest, one of his arms protectively slung around her waist.

**Oh, so hold your breath**

**Because tonight could be the night that I will fall for you**

**Over again**

**Don't make me change my mind**

**I won't live to see another day**

**I swear, it's true**

**Because I girl like you is impossible to find**

**RBRBRBRB**

**There, chapter 3, done. And here's a random thought, I know I'm not the only one who thinks Sam was in foster care/adopted. There's a fanfic about it. Which is wonderful by the way, one of my favourites out there. **

**Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed, and reviews are welcomed. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 4, I say. Since I am throwing my work out away for the day, I've decided to write a bit. Since I wrote down a bunch of songs that relate to Sam/Andy, I have plenty of ideas. **

**Side note, I don't know if I will be home from August 10****th****-30****th****, since I'm going to Cape Breton. I don't think I will have internet connection, or time to write. Can anyone say working out and horseback riding? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any songs featured.**

**Anyways, here is chapter 4; I Run to You**

**RBRBRBRB**

**I run from pain, I run from prejudice **

**I run from pessimists, but I run too late**

"I know that the neighborhood has a lot of gangs, but it's the kids, the families." Andy started, glancing from him to the street and buildings enclosing the car. Sam continued looking straight ahead, eyes casting her way every few seconds.

"So?" he asked, waiting for her to get to her point. Andy opened and closed her mouth as if she was in slight disbelief.

"So, you'd have to get beat pretty bad if you wanted to start something."

Sam shook his head lightly before turning to her. She followed, eyes meeting his. "See, that's what I love about you McNally." _Love?_ Did you really just say that? Calm down, Swarek, there are many features in a person that you can love without loving the actual person. Even if you love everything about that person. Oh, shut up.

"What," she started, little humor in her voice, "my naïve belief in humanity?"

Sam went back to looking at the road, a grin gracing his normally tough features. "Your relentless belief in optimism in the face of research, experience, and reality." It's true; it was her third year on the job. And no matter how many times she got shot at or took down murderers or purse snatches or whoever, she always sees the bright side of things. She always knew that there were people who were not like that, those being the people they have to protect. In fact, even people who are horrible monsters, she treated fair and well.

"That takes stones," he continues, "big people loving stones." He stares out the window, hearing her chuckle.

"Well, somebody's gotta love them." Touché, McNally, touché.

"This neighborhood is full of gang members," he informed, watching as the buildings past and the road roll under the tires, "They all love the game, they all love their teams and they all hate to lose."

"Just like us," she compared, sharing a light-hearted look with him, "and twenty-seventh division." They both laughed, returning their eyes to the road.

**I run my life, or is running me**

**Run from my past**

**I'm running too fast, or slow it seems**

She has a lot to run from, he thinks that night as they lay in bed together, her head resting on his arm, her back to his front, sort of spooning her. Of course she had a lot to run from; a mother who abandoned her and her father. Her father who drank himself off the job. A man who haunted her, the one she killed during the blackout. Not to mention an ex-fiancé who slept with another woman.

So yes, Andy had a lot to try and run from. But then again, who didn't. Sam had stuff to run from, that was for sure. A mom who died after he was born, his dad was in jail. Sam and Sarah had lived in a foster home before his foster parents adopted them. His sister who had been attacked, whom he couldn't help. Not to mention all the stupid shit he got into as a teenager.

Everyone had stuff to run from. Andy, instead of turning and fighting what she had, she actually ran. She ran away from the people who loved her and wanted to help. She ran because she could never really rely on people to be there for her. And even though she ran and had so much to run from, when it was necessary, she would lay all of that stuff, all her problems, out on the table. She'd lay them on the table hoping to make a connection, hoping that with that connection, she could save them where she wasn't. Where no one was there to save her.

She would show everyone how vulnerable she was, how broken she used to be, in order to show that it is possible to come back, that it never was the end. She was willing to have people judge her, to look down on her, for that. It took guts, he knew, for her to do that. She never let anyone get close to her because when she opened her heart, it was broken.

Maybe it was because she knew that the people they dealt with at work wouldn't be around long enough to hurt her, that she allowed it. But he knew it took a while before she trusted him with her heart.

**When lied become the truth**

**That's when I run to you**

**This world keeps spinning faster**

**And a new disaster, **

**So I run to you**

**I run to you, baby**

**When it all starts coming undone**

**Baby, you're the only one I run to**

**I run to you**

She stirs a bit in her sleep when he nuzzles at her neck with his nose, kissing her bare shoulder. He tightened his hold of her waist, pulling her to him more. She stretches out her neck, turning to him slightly.

"You okay?" she asked, voice thick with sleep. He nods, instructing her to return to her slumber before promising he loved her.

He was a lucky man, and he needed no reminder. He was constantly aware of the most amazing woman out there wanted to be with him, and loved him, and he was forever grateful. He was grateful that not only did she love him, she didn't run from him. And when she did, she ran back as soon as she sorted herself out. 'There's always a safe spot to run to', she used to tell him. He was her safe spot.

She didn't run away from him, she ran to him.

**This world keeps spinning faster**

**Into a new disaster **

**So I run to you, I run to you baby**

**When it all starts coming undone**

**Baby, you're the only one I run to,**

**I run to you**

**RBRBRBRB**

**So, that's chapter 4. The song is Run to You by Lady Antebellum. I hope you enjoyed**


	4. Chapter 4

**So here's another chapter I didn't plan on writing today, due to the fact I spent my day puking because it's been 23 hours since I ate. But don't blame me, that's how I grieve. I lost a family member in a car accident yesterday, so I'm hoping writing will get my mind off it.**

**Anyways, I don't know what chapter this is, 5…or 6? I'm going to say five. Okay, good.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, just an obsessed fan**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Oh, you with the sad eyes**

**Don't be discouraged**

**Oh, I realize**

**It's hard to take courage**

Slow, steady movements. Anything to keep him calm, anything to keep his life stable. She knew it was anything but, but she knew she had to be his rock. It didn't matter that she wanted to curl up to him, have him hold her, and sob; she was his rock right now. It was odd, having the tables turned a 180, and quite frankly it tore her heart out.

But here she was, sitting next to him on their couch, rubbing slow circles on his back, hoping to calm his breathing. His face was covered by his hands, his shoulders were hunched, elbows resting on his knees. She wasn't sure what to do; Sam was never an open guy. She knew he wouldn't tell her what he was feeling. Hell, she was amazed that he came back to her place. Normally, he would've gone home and dealt with things himself.

"We're in this together, Sam. I don't think you should be alone," she told him, being cautious. His hands were fisted, jaw clenched and she could tell he was fighting tears. He didn't give a reaction, only opening the passenger door and climbing in; waiting for her. She took the hint, driving them from the hospital, where their friend had been pronounced dead, down the winding roads, and back to her apartment.

She felt out of place, really, on the way back. She felt as if she should be back at the hospital, helping her friend grieve with their loss, as well. But Andy was waved off, they told her that they wanted to be alone. With a promise to call Andy if they needed anything, they asked Andy to leave.

She had gone into the bathroom, cleaned up in case Sam had wanted a shower. When she immersed, she found him in that position; hunched over, head in hands. She dared not talk, not wanting to push him. Instead, she opted to just sit with him. And sat she did, for minutes, maybe an hour, as he tried to hold it all in.

Andy wasn't sure if he even knew how to let his emotions go, flow freely like the tears she had watched her friend fall earlier. She was scared, really, to watch him hold it all in. He had to snap eventually, she was aware. But she was also terrified if he let go. She wasn't familiar with an open Sam. A Sam who didn't care what she saw, a Sam who needed relief of the pain that tortured his mind and soul.

He was always her rock, which she was grateful for. But now, now she didn't know what to do with the roles reversed. Should she just keep rubbing his back? Should she say something? Should she leave him to his own devices?

No, the last one was out of the question.

Hell, it was downright dangerous.

He never really let his guard down, he even faked being okay; just like her. Except he always pushed her until she came undone, then he'd hold her as she cried. He never let her hold it all in, it was unhealthy.

So she knew what she had to do.

"Sam?"

**In a world full of people**

**You can lose sight of it all**

**In darkness still inside you**

**Make you feel so small.**

He felt ashamed.

Ashamed of what he had done that day. Ashamed that he didn't back up his brother for the first time. Ashamed that he had gotten his best friend killed.

Ashamed that he was the one who needed to be taken care of.

He wasn't used to it. Even as a kid. Going through foster care was tough, especially for a young boy. Foster parents always looked at him with pity; a boy who was orphaned. But he had his sister. She tried taking care of him. Well, up until she was attacked. Then it was he who took care of her. And he remained like that since; not needing to be taken care of.

He tried to hold it in; and he had, until she disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. Then he broke. Broke down his walls, not all of them, but enough.

He hunched over and covered his eyes; she didn't deserve to see him like this. She didn't deserve to have the one solid thing in her life to collapse. But then again; Callaghan was solid. But to the point where he didn't care.

Sam cared. Sam cared more than anything.

He felt her presence in the room, not seeing her. He also felt his hands become moist with the tears that betrayed him; falling. So he was ashamed that he allowed himself to break, and it worsened when he felt her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.

They remained like that for a while, a long while. He fought with his inner demons for the duration of the time. Should he look at her? Let her see him bared to her, open and wounded? Let her judge him?

That's stupid; she'd never judge him.

And then, "Sam?"

He raised his head from his hands, taking his time. When he could see clearly, he inspected his hand, hoping that knowing how many tears had fallen into his hands would tell him how many stuck to his face. He knew it had been a lot.

He slid his gaze to the left, focusing now on her. Her eyes were wide; he could see the concern and hurt in them. Her brown eyes were glazed over with unshed tears. He even seen pity. But not towards his current state. Towards the whole current situation. They had all just lost something. She didn't dare give him, alone, pity.

Her cheeks were stained and her eyes red. His were worse, for sure. His face was probably red and blotchy and his eyes were swollen. Voice thick and scratchy; he could tell before he opened his mouth to speak. And his head was pounding. But he swore to not fall apart.

He wanted to escape. And she was his escape.

So he kissed her.

Her kiss could make him forget anything that was happening, and all he could focus on was her. And that was exactly what he was hoping for. He needed to forget what happened that day. He needed her to remind him that she was there; alive and well. She wasn't going to leave him, he need not to worry. Tomorrow he would have to deal with the pain of losing his best friend, but until then, he needed McNally.

He wasn't surprised when she didn't respond right away; she wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. But when he put more pressure on her mouth, hers opened up and she responded eagerly, getting the idea.

So they stayed like that for a while, kissing eagerly and passionately. There was something missing, though; he was unhappy. Not with her, but with himself. She knew he wanted to forget, so she allowed him to get lost in her.

"C'mon," he instructed, grabbing her hand and leading her to the bedroom; shedding his shirt along the way. She didn't have time to roam her eyes over the solid muscle of his chest and abdomen. He was on her again, mouth moving over hers feverishly, opening his mouth and gaining access to hers.

He pushed her down onto the bed as lightly as he could; he didn't want his actions to reflect how angry he was with the world. He climbed on top of her, pulling her shirt up over her head. His lips returned to hers, kissing her hungrily before making his way down her jaw, nipping and sucking. He reached the base of her throat, she was squirming beneath him. He inhaled her scent; he had her at his mercy.

And he snapped.

He didn't need anyone at his mercy anymore. He was afraid he'd get them hurt; or worse. He buried his face in her hair, tears beginning to flow freely as silent sobs finally racked his body. He was waiting for her to push him off, but instead she held him closer, fingers tangling in his hair. He held onto her for dear life, he couldn't let go.

His walls finally crumbled to the ground, and she was there to clean up the mess. She always was. And always will be. No matter what. And she's his rock. He'll never have to hold in his emotions to the point of endangering himself, again. McNally was there, always was.

**I see your true colours shining though**

**I see your true colours**

**And that's why I love you**

**So don't be afraid to let them show**

**Your true colours**

**Your true colours**

**Are beautiful**

**Like a rainbow**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Yay! I got another chapter done. I was going to make it longer, but I got kicked off the computer. Anyways, I was fairly happy with this chapter. So…..review? **


	5. Chapter 5

**So, here's another chapter. I don't have much to do, I don't know when the funeral is, so I'm writing as much right now. And about After Burn, I'm not so sure if I should continue, or focus on this; a bunch of one-shots. **

**Anyways, I found more songs to relate to my favourite couple.**

**So without further-a-do;**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**RBRBRBRBRBRB**

**So she said what's the problem, baby**

**What's the problem, I don't know**

**Well, maybe I'm in love**

**Think about it every time I think about it**

**Can't stop thinkin' 'bout it**

He was seated at the Penny, next to Oliver, nursing a beer. It was a happy time for most, really. Jerry and Nash were engaged, Oliver confronted Zoe, and she agreed to work out their problems, and McNally had dropped a bomb on him the day before. Not that he was complaining; God knew how happy he was.

He was not just happy at her confession, he was happy that she told him he didn't need to respond with those words. She didn't pressure him, in fact, she somehow knew that he had never uttered those words in his life. Not even to his sister, oddly enough. They were the kind of siblings who wouldn't be caught dead being all mushy gushy; she didn't want Sam to think she was completely broken.

"I love you." Andy said, an irresistible smile marring her tan face. She shook her head, her excitement and pure happiness was plainly obvious. And to say he was flabbergasted would be an understatement; he was stunned. He was happy, oh so happy, that she had said it first. But now there he sat, in the passenger seat of his truck; his baby, that he let her drive, speechless.

She seen how intimidated he was; but he didn't want her to be afraid that he didn't feel the same way. Because he did. Oh God did he ever.

But then she went on reassuring him that he didn't have to echo those little words. "I don't care that you've never said it before, and I don't care if you never say it. But this is how I feel." He was more than relieved; she didn't expect anything in return; what a giver. He's had too many relationships ruined by his lack of capability to say it. But not Andy, it was like she understood him completely; that's because she does, dumbass.

Sam shook himself out of his thoughts, just catching the end of Oliver's rant. "Come on, brother, you can't blame me. Us men, we do whatever it takes to make our women happy. In return, we're happy. But that wasn't the case. I knew my place was still there; had to play alpha male guarding his territory. But she complied, said that she didn't know what she was doing with the other guy and promised to get rid of him. We're going to do couple's counseling. For now." Oliver explained.

Sam nodded, managing to understand in just that paragraph alone. He tried to keep his mind from wandering back to Andy and her admission, but it was easier said than done. He kept glancing sideways, eyeing up the table she sat at. Her head would be thrown back in laughter, probably a dumbass thing Diaz or Epstein said. But Sam didn't care; he was too busy watching her.

"Sammy, brother. Are you even listening?" Oliver waved his hand in front of Sam's face, trying to regain his attention. "Okay, stop looking at your rookie for two minutes, two minutes, and think about what I am going to say, okay?" Sam nodded in agreement, willing to stop his mind from going into overdrive for a minute or two.

"What's it about?" he asked, trying to prepare himself. Oliver only smiled, reaching a hand out and squeezing his friend's shoulder. Sam raised his eyes, eyebrows furrowed.

"That rookie, McNally over there, she has you," he informed. Before a confused Sam could question anything, he continued. "You see, I have known you since the academy. And Sammy, that's a long time. We're getting older, and you had to find some way to keep excitement in your life. Thus the guns and gangs."

"Are you going to give me my life story, Ollie?" Sam chuckled, taking a swig of bear.

"Nope," he replied, giving a stern look, "But McNally, she knocked you on your ass; literally. And in no time, she had you twisted in knots. She became your excitement, your adrenaline rush. And no, before you get grossed out, I'm not talking about getting' it on, or some rookie nookie."

"Then what are you saying?"

"Boyd is back."

Sam's eyebrows immediately shot up; he was in no mood to deal with Boyd. He was angry enough that the sleazy officer managed to not get fired, but now he was caught snooping around the barn?

"So," Oliver explained, "If he offers you a job, I just want you to remember, this time, you have someone to look out for. Your life isn't just you anymore, you share it. With McNally. And that's your responsibility." The look in Oliver's eyes told Sam that he was dead serious.

He nodded, "What makes you think I'd leave her?"

"Isn't that what you did last time?"

"Last time?"

"I seen you two by the fire truck; that almost kiss? You left that night," he further revealed, bringing a rush of memories to the love struck man.

Sam nodded in consideration; Oliver had a point. But there was no way in hell that Sam would leave Andy, never again. "It's different now," he promised, "I don't think I could leave her if I tried."

"Is that so?" Let the gossip begin.

"Yup." Sam answered, popping the 'p'. Oliver knew he would get nothing out of Sam, so he dropped it. Taking another swig of his beer, he became acutely aware of the brown eyed rookie that made her way behind Sam.

"Hey, Oliver. You mind if I steal Swarek for the night?" she asked, needing no permission from the married man. With a farewell and a pat on the back, Oliver left, making his way to the rookie table. Andy slid into the space between Sam and Oliver's empty stool, wrapping a hand around his forearm. "Ready to go?"

"More than anything," he stated simply, letting her lead the way.

**Come on, come on**

**Turn a little faster**

**Come on, come on**

**The world will follow after**

**Come on, come on**

**Cause everybody's after love**

Andy squealed in delight as Sam spun her repeatedly. They were just about to make dinner when a smooth jazz song fluttered from the radio. Sam had reached to it, turned it up, and jokingly asked Andy to dance. She agreed, of course.

So there they were, dancing and spinning, forgetting the world and dangers and tears that had surrounded them on a daily basis. It was just them, sweeping around a kitchen as a makeshift ballroom. She was surprised by the grace he held, an arm wrapped around her waist and her hand clamped in his. Every few seconds he would spin her, watching her hair cut through the air in waves, coming to rest over her shoulders.

She had never done anything like this with Luke; but then again, Sam and Luke were polar opposites. Which made Andy extremely happy to know that Sam would never hurt her in a way she had been wounded previously. Nor would he choose a job over her, ever.

"Sam," she gasped between giggles as he tickled her sides, "we need to make dinner." He spun her back to face him, brushing his nose against hers. He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, pulling back with a large grin on his face.

"I want you to be my dinner," he explained. She caught the innuendo, but decided to play stupid. She gave him a confused look, brows knitted together.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a cannibal?"

Sam's face became serious before he caught on to her question. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, dimples coming into view. He brought his face closer to hers, shook his head, whispering, "You're so dumb," jokingly. He then covered her lips by his, silencing her for the night.

**These lines of lightening mean**

**We're never alone**

**Never alone, **

**No, no**

"Andy, calm down," he pleaded, pulling her shaking body closer to his. It was storm season, and who would've guessed it; McNally wasn't a big fan of thunder. So he pulled her to the bedroom, proceeded to distract her for a good forty-five minutes, until she came to her senses. Then she curled into his side, burying her head in the crook of his neck while he played with her hair.

"I can't," she whimpered. Earlier, she had given him a life story about being alone during the storms when she was young. She never got over it. As her mom usually comforted her, but when she and her dad were abandoned, she was alone.

So he gave her some sympathy, any excuse to hold McNally was a good one. So he held her shaking form, watching her and the sky as it lit up with bursts of electricity. Every time the lightening disappeared and thunder took its place, she'd jump. Every time she jumped, he'd hold onto her tighter. And when he got to hold her tighter, he wasn't complaining.

So let's just say Sam Swarek had a new appreciation for the lightening.

"What if you're not there, Sam?" she asked suddenly, eyes wide with fear. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, knowing what she was implying.

"Andy," he rasped out, just as he had the night she had asked him to plead her to stay. "I'm not going anywhere. That's a promise. There is no where I'd rather be."

To that, she nodded, seemingly pleased with his answer. She curled into his side more, waiting to fall into a slumber. Which never happened. In fact, they stayed up the whole night. But not sheltering one another from the storm.

**Come on, come on**

**Spin a little tighter**

**Come on, come on**

**The world's a little brighter**

**Come on, come**

**Just get yourself inside her**

To say Sam was happy was an understatement. He had never been happier in his life; ever. He was lying in bed after some strenuous activities which heavily featured Andy. He knew he could never say it was just sex. It was way more than that. Hell, he'd describe it as making love, as cheesy as it sounded. Something was different when he was with her, and he enjoyed every minute of it.

He still woke up as a grouch, he was never a morning person. But it only lasts a few seconds before he's smiling. He feels her body next to his and he knows he will never wake up alone again. They make small talk; hushed whispers and soft caressing until they have to get up.

And when he did get up, he found he didn't have to drink as much coffee to be in a decent mood. He found that a quick kiss from her would do a better job than a million cups of coffee.

Sam glanced out the window at the rising sun. Normally, he would turn the other way; hoping to block out all light. Instead, he watched. Watched from the window in her room. The birds seemed to have a less annoying song to sing, the blue sky seemed to be clear of clouds. And no to mention the streets seemed a little less crowded.

Now, he wasn't blaming Andy for causing it. It had been like that all along. She had only opened his eyes to see what the world had to offer them. Oliver was right, he wasn't in his life alone, anymore. And he was happy to be sharing every aspect of it with the woman he loved.

**Love, I'm in love.**

**RBRBRBRBRB**

**Did you enjoy? I like this chapter, really. So, if you liked it, or if you didn't, review. They make me happy.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's another chapter, thought of while spending my day with my bestie while we prepared for the LGBT Parade. I don't think I'll be able to update tomorrow, I'll be away for the funeral, so I'm updating today.**

**Disclaimer: Please, only in my dreams, literally.**

**RBRBRBRBRB**

**Cotton wool fallin' like snow in July**

**Sunset, riverside, 4 wheel drives**

**In a tail light circle**

**Roll down the windows, turn it up**

**Pour a little crown in a Dixie cup**

**Get the party started**

"Glad you could make it, Sammy," Zoe Shaw remarked, sarcasm lacing every word. Sam smiled back, dimples in full view.

"Me too, Zoe, me too," he retorted, also sarcastic. Contrary to his tone, Sam was actually happy to be at another Shaw barbeque. Most of the division turned up to hang out in his back yard, which included a pool, gazebo and large deck. Not to mention that most of the wives hung out in the kitchen, talking about the life of police officer's spouse.

Zoe sent him a not-too-friendly look before turning on the spot to go greet more officers. A hand on his shoulder alerted Sam to the presence of Oliver, who thrusted an ice cold beer bottle into Sam's open hand. He accepted, gladly, putting it to his mouth and taking a long sip.

"Hey, Brother," he greeted, giving a sincere smile. Sam turned to face him before echoing his words. He noticed Oliver peer over his shoulder, which Sam followed with his eyes. His gaze landed upon one Andy McNally, whom of which Sam had brought as a date. His eyes returned to Oliver, giving him a questioning stare.

"What?" he asked, eyes glancing from McNally to Oliver and back again.

"Did you, uh, is she with you?" he stuttered, trying to not get his best friend to block him out anymore.

"Yeah," Sam confirmed, "is that a problem? Or would she not be able to come if she wasn't with me?" Sam was becoming defensive; nothing new when it came to Andy.

Oliver raised his hands in surrender, trying to calm the slightly agitated man in front of him. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I was just curious." The explanation seemed to calm Sam down enough, his eyes focusing on his date. "So, you guys are official, or?" he left the question hanging in the air, not sure the correct term for whatever they were.

"Or?" Sam pressed, eyebrows raised. Of course he was with McNally, he wasn't sure if they were 'dating'. We aren't 15, so I don't think we do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, he thought.

"Together. As in, go home together and have sleepovers," he explained, eyeing up with girl who accompanied Sam to the barbeque. Sam turned to fully take in her appearance; denim shorts and a dark blue tank top, her hair was down and wavy, and she had flip flops under her feet. She was utterly beautiful. And Sam didn't get how he could've been so lucky.

Her head tossed back with laughter as Epstein told another lame joke, the other rooks joining in on the laughter. Her hand reached out and held on to Chris' shoulder for support, Sam felt a pang of jealousy that quickly diminished when he remembered Andy's words from nights before, "I love you." Something as simple as remembering she had uttered those three words could remind him that she was never leaving him.

A cough from Oliver, attempting to clear his throat, caught Sam's attention. He faced his friend, who raised his eyebrows, silently repeating his question.

Sam nodded, a dimpled smile appearing on his face, "Yeah, buddy, I'd say we're together. You'll have to get her to confirm."

"Okay, fair enough. Hey, McNally," Ollie called. Sam winced at the volume, putting his game face back on. Andy said a temporary bye to her friends before making her way over to the two grown men. She came to stand by Sam, arm brushing his.

"Yes?" she question why she was over there, instead of continuing her conversation with her fellow rookies.

Oliver chuckled, at which Sam glared. "You and Sammy, are you two, er…" he tried, unable to form the words under his friend's hot gazes.

"McNally, he wants to know if we're having sleepovers," Sam explained, crossing his strong arms over his chest and looking to Andy. She merely laughed, an angel-like sound causing his to lose the stern face, opting for a smile instead.

"Yes, Oliver. We have sleepovers every night. Ya know, the works; romantic comedies, he does my hair, we eat cookie dough ice cream-"

"Pistachio, actually," Sam corrected, sharing a knowing look with her.

Oliver looked back between the two, shaking his head at their not-so-straight answers. "Okay, yeah, whatever," he finished, leaving the two to themselves. Even though they didn't voice it, Oliver already knew that they were together for the long haul.

RBRBRBRB

Hours later, the night calmed, outdoor lamps lighting up the backyard, few people lapping in the pool. Most were now sitting in lawn chairs, sipping a drink of sorts, a few actually swaying softly to the music that flooded from the speakers.

"So," Zoe starting, squeezing her husband's hand, "That girl Swarek is with, he serious about her?"

Oliver smiled to himself, then to his wife, "Let's just say, you'll be my plus-one to the wedding."

Sam sighed, smiling to himself as he played with Andy's hair. She of which was rather content, leaning on him, which he was propped up against the wooden fence that outlined the yard. His left arm was wrapped around her shoulders, fingers dancing in the curls. The two of them were fairly isolated from the crowd, off in their own little world. Normally, Sam wouldn't bear to the world that he was in a relationship; especially with McNally. He knew that everyone in the station already knew, but no one had voiced it.

So when she changed herself from leaning on the fence, to leaning on him, he stiffened at first. He wasn't sure she wanted to be so public yet. But his questions and concerns were silenced when her hand began tracing patterns on this thigh.

"So," he started, pausing to wait for her to look at him, "Do you want to get out of here?" Her eyes were large and bright, but he could tell that she was tired. He was, too. Not tired enough to go straight to sleep, he could think of some other activities to do before, but he wasn't capable of doing so at Oliver's.

"No," she stated, "I mean, unless you want to. Then we can go." The last part was rushed; trying to cover up any selfishness that she believed was in her voice.

Sam shook his head, laughing. "It's okay, McNally, we can stay." She seemed to calm after his words, leaning back, resting her head on his shoulder.

**If you're not a ten, you're a 9.9**

**Tippin' and spillin' that home-made wine**

**On your tied up T-shirt**

**Every little kiss is drivin' me wold**

**Throwin' little cherry bombs **

**Into my fire**

**Good god almighty**

Sam was lucky. Or he thought so, at least. Sure, every other time luck was needed, he didn't have any, but right now he felt truly lucky. Or maybe not. He was confused how good it was that he and Andy both got the day off during another heat wave. Lucky, because he wasn't working in the weather, not to mention he was with Andy. But now all she wanted to do was be outside. All he wanted to do was stay in.

Not that he was complaining; no, complaining was the farthest from what he was going. How could he possibly complain when the heat caused her to ditch most of her clothes? The heat also caused a thin layer of sweat to cover her tan skin.

So there he was; sitting in a deck chair, the AC cooling his skin, watching his incredibly sexy girlfriend in her outfit. If you could call if that. It really just consisted of the shortest possible shorts she owned, a sports bra, and a cut off, very loose, T-shirt. Which he didn't get at all. Like, why would you cut up a perfectly good T-shirt?

Oh right, "I didn't cut it, Sam, I bought it like that."

Things that Nash buys, he thought. He wasn't a huge fan of the shirt, when did you become of fan of her wardrobe? But he liked it now, oh did he ever liked that shirt.

He watched her as she stood underneath the tree that resigned in his back yard. Her hands were on her hips, frustrated. Her tongue poked out to wet her dry lips, and he inwardly groaned. It wasn't fair; she just stood there, in almost nothing, and expected him to not do anything.

"What are you doing?" he asked, standing up and making his way over. As soon as he got out of range from the AC system, he immediately wanted to return. But if McNally needed his help, he was going to help.

"There's a Frisbee in the tree," she explained, as if it was obvious. Sam came to stand beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling him into his side. He reached down and nuzzled her jaw line, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"Oh yeah? And why do we need a Frisbee?" He heard, and felt, her giggle, loud and clear. She went to push him away, but his grip tightened as well as it could on her wet flesh. She turned in his arms, looking into his eyes for a moment. She reached up, eyes fluttering closed, as she shyly pressed her lips to his, waiting for him to deepen it. He didn't disappoint. His other arm came to wrap around her back, pulling her closer, if possible.

"I want to play Frisbee," she stated, stopping him in his tracks. He pulled back, a dumbfounded expression on his face. She pulled back, turned to face the tree, and pressed her hands to the rough bark. She was looking up, mentally debating the best way to climb it.

Sam wasn't giving up that easy. He walked up behind her, pressing himself into her backside, hands gripping her bare hips. He felt her tense, then relax into his touch. She pushed herself back, as well as making him let go of her hips.

"Sam," she said warningly, "Help me get the Frisbee, then we can go inside and continue." She knew he couldn't say no to the proposition.

She faced him, hands on his hips, grasping hold of his shirt. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking down at her. She smiled sweetly, lifting the fabric away from his body, pulling it over his head. She tossed it over her shoulder, letting it fall silently into the yard.

"There, now you won't die." With that, she turned, reaching up to grasp a branch. From that angle, Sam could count all of her ribs, no problem. He could tell she was struggling, so he knelt down in front of her, cupping his hands to allow her to step on them. She obliged, gripping a shoulder with one hand, reaching with the other, as he hoisted her into the branches.

The bark was scratching the palms of her hands and her muscles were straining as she lifted herself higher into the tree. She pushed off the branches with her bare feet, reaching up to grab the Frisbee. She looked down to see if she could stand on any other branches, watching Sam gaze up at her. He appeared mesmerized, she hoped by her, and he didn't tear his eyes away from a second.

She stepped onto another branch, pushing up one last time until the hard plastic was clasped in her hand. She jumped down onto a lower limb, tossing the disc into the yard. She knelt down, holding onto higher branches, preparing to jump down.

"Come on, Andy, I don't have all day," Sam pestered, all too eager to make it in the house.

"Catch me," she dared. He opened his arms, waiting for her to fall into them. Taking a breath and holding it, Andy launched herself at her boyfriend. She flew through the air for about a second, hardly registering his arms clamping around her body as she hit him like a brick wall. He stumbled back, but managed to right himself. She laughed when he spun them around, waiting for her to calm before placing her on the ground.

"Happy?" he asked, arms circled around her, her hands clasps behind his neck. She nodded, leaning onto her toes, and brushing her lips over his briefly. "Let's go inside," he suggested, suddenly at a loss for breath.

She nodded, chuckling when he grabbed her hand and ran into the house, slamming the door behind them.

**Girl, you make my speakers go boom, boom**

**Dancin' on that tailgate in the full moon**

**That kinda thing make a man go mmm hmmm**

**You're lookin' so good in what's left of those blue jeans**

**Drip of honey on the money **

**Make her gotta be**

"McNally, can we go inside now?" Sam pleased, pulling on her ankles. He was standing in his driveway at the tailgate of his truck, waiting for Andy. She refused to go inside, instead staying in the bed, where they had spent the last hour laying there, watching the sky.

Usually, he was not one to want to spend anytime outside, especially star gazing. But any excuse to hold McNally was a good one.

"Sam," she whined, drawing out his name. "Can't we just stay here." He had to admit, she was beyond adorable. Sweatpants and a hoody aren't the sexiest thing she's ever worn, but it was a chilly night, and she was acting younger than her actually age.

"Andy, it's been an hour. We have to get inside," he explained. He reached out to grab her hand, but she got to him first. With one hard tug, he was bent over the back of the truck, back aching from the strain. "Ow," he exclaimed. Andy smiled sheeply, waiting for him to put a knee up on the tailgate before pulling again. He fell next to her, giving up his struggle with one look from her; one look that told him to stay out.

"Please?" she asked, gripping his hand. He nodded, giving in. She smiled brightly, giving him a duffle bag to use as a pillow. Once she thought he was comfortable she rested her head on his chest, trailing her hand over his chest and abdomen. "I love you," she admitted, once again. Sam knew he would never get over her saying that. It caused an indescribable feeling, like all that is good in life is out in the open. That he was soaring.

"I love you, too."

**The best buzz I'm ever gonna find**

**I'm drunk on you**

**And high off summertime**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Yay, longest chapter yet. So I don't know what I'll do if when I can't write in Cape Breton. We'll be listening to music all day, so I'll get many ideas.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Going to Cape Breton soon! Yay! Just so you guys know, it's hard to write this due to the fact I messed up my left index finger (go me), and am still going to attempt to write. **

**Anyways, I never really figured this song related to them. Should've know, T-Swift relates to everything one way or another. **

**Anyways, enjoy, I suppose.**

**Disclaimer: I may talk like I own it, but that's just the obsessive personality I have. I'm on meds for it :P **

**RBRBRBRB**

**I don't think that passenger seat **

**Has ever looked this good to me**

**He tells me about his night**

**I count the colours in his eyes**

Andy had gotten used to riding shotgun, not saying she enjoyed it.

"So," she started, trying to make conversation, "How was poker night? Win big?"

It was early morning, around 7:30, and Andy had the pleasure of working with Swarek. No surprise, really, as he was her partner. But just her luck, he wasn't a morning person. At least when he didn't wake up next to her. Especially is he was hung over. So now she had to get rid of the deafening silence that she was allergic to.

He sent a tired smile her way, eyes staring at her through his sunglasses. He definitely wasn't impressed that she started talking; he was enjoying the silence. "Yes, actually. Got Jerry's paycheck for last week," he informed smugly, proud of himself.

Andy chuckled at him, "Poor guy."

Sam shook his head, removing his sunglasses as he parked the car in a local Timmy's parking lot. His head turned to her, hers mirroring his actions. "Not really, his fault. I can't help it that I had such mad poker skills."

Andy slid her seatbelt over her shoulder, freeing herself of her restraints. Her fingers clasped around the handle, giving him one more look, before pulling. "You coming?" she invited, pushing the door open. He nodded his answer, repeating her actions to exit the cruiser. He slammed the door shut, resting his arm on the top. He placed the sunglasses back over his eyes, trying to look more intimidating.

They entered the Timmy's, happy to see there was no line, and made their way to the counter. A young, blonde girl, who was probably 17, stood behind it, braces peeking out beneath her thin lips. Her blue eyes were wide and alert, and her name tag warned that she was in training.

"Hello," she greeted politely, Andy glanced down at her nametag again, _Sara_, "What can I get for you, Officers?"

Andy returned her bright smile, Sam not so much. His hands were on his belt, stance guarded and tough, "Uh, McNally, you got this? I left my money in the cruiser." There they were again, those damn dimples. He knew she couldn't resist. So instead of showing how powerless she was, she rolled her eyes.

She turned her attention back to the teen, who still had a smile plastered on her face. "Yeah," Andy started, "A double-double (two creams, two sugars, in case you non-Canadians didn't know), and an ice coffee."

The young girl read out the total price, and accepted the five dollar bill from Andy. She dropped the paper into the cash register, pulling out some coins and dropping them into Andy's outreached hand. Andy left the counter to join Sam by the serving station, pulling a straw and removing the paper wrapper.

"So, what do you guys even do with all the poker money?" she asked, curious. Sam grinned, reaching up to grab his ready coffee. She couldn't see his eyes, but she imagined that they were crinkled at the edges with laughter. She grabbed her ice coffee, thanking the young lady before heading out of the café.

He didn't talk until they were seating in the cruiser and he managed to down some coffee. He turned the keys and started the car. "Well," he said, turning his head so he could see behind him, "Normally, I just use it to get random stuff. You know, coffee, beer, the works."

"What about to not normally?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows. _Did that make sense_?

Apparently it did. And even if it didn't, he still understood. They arrived at a stop sign, Andy taking the chance to reach her arm and plucked his glasses off his face playfully. He sent a glare her way, not a mean one.

"Well, I was thinking I could put this pay to go the Dominican Republic for Nash's wedding," he explained. His eyes watched her face as a large smile broke out. To say she was psyched for their first vacation was an understatement. She talked it over with him as he explained his fear of flying, and commitment. She assured him she wasn't going to force him down to aisle, but a getaway could be fun. _'Besides, we can do whatever we want, and not worry about our neighbors.' _Which, of course, got his attention.

"So…you took Jerry's money?" she asked, a realization hitting her.

"Mhm," he confirmed, chuckling when she put the sunglasses on.

"And Jerry's the one getting married." Andy stated, hoping he would catch on.

"Yup," he agreed, popping the 'p'.

"And it's his wedding we're going to."She turned in her seat, taking a sip of her iced drink before replacing it in the cup holder.

"Where are you going with this, McNally?" he pressed, eyes on the road.

"You took Jerry's money in order to go away to go to Jerry's wedding. You took money that's going towards the reason we're going away," she explained, uncertain that she was making sense.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure Jerry will figure something out. No pain, no gain," he conceded, putting the car in park on the side of the road. He slipped out of the car, coffee and keys in hand, so they could patrol on foot through the park. She did the same, jogging to catch up with him. They walked in silence before Sam continued talking; going on about how the previous night went.

Andy would cast her eyes over the park, then returning it to his eyes. She watched them intently; the way the gold flecks would reflect in the light and the black flecks making it appear as if he had grooves in his brown orbs. The dark brown was the base colour, but it was a lot lighter than it is when they were alone in their room, doing….er….certain strenuous things. But when he was smiling and laughing, the light flecks making his eyes glimmer.

Yeah, she had no problem riding shotgun.

**And I could tell you**

**His favourite colour's green**

"Twenty questions," she offered. It was 11:30, and after a long day of work, and a half hour of, well, more, uh, work, they laid in bed. Sam was on his back, arm stretched under a pillow. Andy was on her stomach, fingers playing with the light hair that scattered over his chest.

Sam groaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "McNally, can we not?"

She rolled her eyes, happy he couldn't see her. "Come on," she persisted, "One game. Then we can sleep." It was a double promise, holding two meanings.

"Five questions, and then we do what I want," he bargained, finally looking at her. She grinned, shook her head, and whispered a slightly higher number. "Fine, ten question. First, you have to kiss me," he dealt. She merely chuckled, rose onto her elbows and brushed her lips over his. He threaded his fingers through her brown locked, deepening the kiss. Before he had a chance to advance, she pulled back.

"Okay," she smiled, "Middle name?"

Sam breathed a sigh of relief; it wasn't going to be a serious game. "Salman," he admitted. He wasn't very into his middle name, so his foster family just said Sal instead.

"Salman? What does that mean?" she asked, confused. She didn't know that Sam's parents were into the meaning of their child's name.

"Protector, it's Arabic," he explained, fingers dancing over her smooth back. "My turn?" She nodded. "Okay, first kiss?"

Her eyes glimmered in laugher, "James Parker, seventh grade. We walking home after basketball practice and I let it slip that I've never been kissed. He offered, ya know, so I could say I've been kissed. I was nervous, but he grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. It was quick and painless."

Sam nodded, happy to know that her first kiss was less romantic than theirs. "Your turn," he informed.

"What did you mean when you said foster kids turn out fine?" There it was, the deep question. Her eyes were wide and curious, knowing he couldn't resist her.

"You know that my dad was in jail," she nodded, "My mom died shortly after I was born. Car accident, she was pronounced dead at the scene. My dad never got over it, he spent the first year of my life hunting down the guy who rammed into our car. When he did, he beat the guy pretty bad, put him in a coma. My dad got put away for attempted murder. Sarah and I had to go into foster care. We were fine, actually. Our foster mom, Helen, was a sweet woman. She baked and cleaned, she was a housewife. Our foster dad, Dave, worked a few jobs. You know, he worked at the market on weekends, then some high paying government job, never found out what. We were happy. I mean, I always wanted to know what happened to my parents, but my family was with Dave and Helen and my sister.

Then she was attacked, it fell apart after that. She wouldn't talk to anyone besides me and Helen, so Dave didn't know what to do. He and Sarah were close. So he asked me for help, said he wanted to build something for Sarah because she refused to go outside. She always loved the park. So we built another room onto the back of the house. Huge windows, pretty much taking up most of the walls. Plants, grass, the works, into this room."

He looked down at Andy, who had a warm smile on her face and tears in her eyes. "That's so sweet, Sam."

"Shh, don't tell anyone." They both chuckled. "Okay, well, first heartbreak."

Andy appeared to be in thought, then started, "Alex Cole. I was seventeen. I was still going through my rebellious stage, so too much eye makeup and made out with the wrong guys. So that's what I did with him. Met him at Barry Hart's party, and we went back to his place. Did some stuff, all that."

Sam couldn't help feel a pang of jealousy, but let her continue. "I thought we got it all over with, but he didn't think so. I made out with another guy at the next part. Alex came up and punched him right in the jaw, dragged me outside and got right pissed at me for cheating. I didn't know I was dating him. I felt bad, so I apologized. We dated for about a year, then he broke up with me for another girl. I was devastated."

Sam nodded, waiting for her to ask her question. "Okay, favourite colour." He raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"Green."

"Green? Why green?"

"Reminds me of the park when I was younger before Sarah was attacked. When it was a safe place," he explained in a far-away voice. He wasn't talking to her in particular in that moment, more like he was admitting to the universe.

Andy smiled at him, "Oh, Sam Swarek, you're as sweet as candy sometimes."

Sam raised his eyebrows, cocky grin appearing on his face, "Sometimes? What about the other times?"

"Then you're Sam, but you have your moments," she laughed out before his mouth was on hers.

**He likes to argue**

"Are you always this impossible?" she questioned, throwing the remote back at her boyfriend. They were trying to find something to watch on TV, but Sam couldn't agree to anything. He was on one side of the couch, lying down and she was curled up on the other side, reading off the listings.

He skillfully caught the remote before it had time to smack him in the face, "Nope, only for you."

She rolled her eyes, trying to concentrate on the commercial that attempted to sell screen doors, 'But not just any screen doors, these ones are magnetic!' As if, they only thing it made her want to get was a new mute button, one that worked. She sent a glare at Sam at her memory. How he managed to break a single button on the controller still baffled her.

Sam received the glare with a smile, dimples in full view. So instead of changing the channel, _again, _he flicked the TV off. She gave him a questioning look, confused at his antics. But didn't speak, waiting for him to explain.

"I don't want to watch TV," he stated, putting the remote down and pulling her legs onto his lap.

"Ooookay…? What do you wanna do?" she asked, stretching out her limbs.

"Go to bed."

"And do what?"

"Sleep." He laughed at Andy's childish pout. "Fine, fine," he surrendered, "We'll do it your way."

"That's what she said," Andy exclaimed, earning an eye roll from her boyfriend.

"Thanks, McNally, but you of all people should know how much of a man I am," he said, winking at her. She climbed up, off of him and reached out her hand in invitation.

He proved how much of a man he was.

**Born on the seventeenth**

**His sister's beautiful**

**He has his father's eyes**

The first time she met Sarah Swarek, or Brady now, was at Sam's birthday. Not just any birthday, his fortieth. They had made their way up to St. Catherine's to visit his family, which included Helen, Dave, Sarah, Dan (her husband), Sarah's children (Marty and Rachel), and fellow foster kids that he grew up with. Andy wasn't expecting him to have a big family, as he had only really told her about Sarah and his foster parents. But it was a welcome surprise.

Helen had greeted them before they made it out of the truck. She was an older woman, easily in her late sixties to early seventies. She was a slight woman, only about 5'1", and had dark red hair, probably dyed to avoid the inevitable gray. Her blue eyes sparkled with pure joy; she was finally seeing her son again, along with the rookie he was always talking about.

"Samuel Salman Swarek, I better not have to wait so long before I see you, again," she warned sternly, but the smile that graced her elderly face gave away her happiness. Sam hopped out of the truck, walked up to the woman and enveloped her in his arms. "It's about time you came home," her voice was small, and even though Sam wasn't that tall, he still towered over her.

"Nice to see you, too, Ma," he greeted. Andy adored the fact that even though he was well aware that Helen was not his birth mother, he still viewed her as such. And upon watching his interactions with her, even for a few minutes, Andy's heart gave a tug, wishing she had had a family growing up.

"And who's this?" Helen asked, bright eyes turning to give Andy an once-over. Her smile became larger as she made her way over. She reached for Andy's hand in her even smaller one, wrapping her fingers around hers.

"Ma, this is McNally," Sam introduced, and Andy blushed at the use of her last name.

Helen's eyebrows furrowed before returning to normal, "Well, McNally, that's a different name."

Andy laughed, "That's my last name. My first name is Andy. Sam just calls me that."

"Ohh," she breathed once she caught on, "Well, _Andy_, you're a very pretty girl. We have heard many things about you."

Andy blushed again, "All good I hope." She gave Sam a pointed look.

"Uh," he stuttered, "I'm going to take our bags inside. You good, McNally?"

She nodded, turning her attention back to the elderly woman. "Oh, sweetie, don't worry about a thing. The way Sam speaks of you is the highest honour. Even when he first spoke about you ruining his undercover assignment, he still had a huge grin on his face. And thank you, by the way. I'm glad someone had the guts to pull Sam from that rat hole. I can't imagine my son staying there," she explained. Andy was still blushing though, and Helen took it as her cue to take her inside.

The first person Andy had seen, once she entered the house, was a mature woman. She was about 44, had dark brown hair and deep brown eyes and killer dimples. Right away, Andy knew it was Sarah.

Her breath caught; she was extremely nervous about meeting Sarah, as Sam told her she doesn't trust people right away. Andy could relate to that, sort of. Andy was a pretty trusting person, but she'd been dumped on her ass enough times to know when to call it quits.

"Hey," Sarah called, bringing Andy out of her thoughts. Andy smiled and echoed her greeting. "You must be Andy," again, Andy nodded, "I've heard a lot of good things about you. And looking at you now, I can see that Sammy wasn't exaggerating when he said you were pretty."

Andy blushed a deeper shade of red, she didn't know what to do with all the compliments.

"Sam doesn't usually bring girls home, so I'm taking this opportunity in stride. Quick question, how do you feel about him?"

Andy prepared herself for the interrogation. "I love him," she stated, as if she had said it a million times before.

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes."

"Did he say it back?"

"I told him he didn't have to, I'm well aware that he's probably hardly said it. And I don't care if he ever says it to me. It's how I feel."

"How do you know he loves you?"

"He gave me the keys to his truck."

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner," Sarah suddenly exclaimed. "Not being sarcastic, but, that, right there, makes you my future sister-in-law."

To say Andy was shocked was an understatement. She wasn't expecting Sarah to be so open. Sam had described her differently.

"Uh, okay," Andy mumbled, unsure of what was going on.

"Don't let me scare you," apologized Sarah, "I wanna show you baby pictures before everyone gets home." Andy laughed, following Sarah into the back room.

**He stands there**

**And walks away**

**My God**

**If I could only say,**

"**I'm holding every breath for you."**

**He'd never tell you**

**But he can play guitar**

**I think he can see through**

**Everything but my heart**

"I love you."

"What?"

"I do, I love you. There, I said it. Now I can stop worrying about it coming out of my mouth at a really weird time."

"Like now?"

"Look, you don't have to say it back. I don't care if you've never said it before and I don't care if you ever say it. But this is how I feel. Want me to say it again?"

"Start the truck."

"I'm going to say it all the time now. Now that I popped the ol' cork, let the genie out of the bottle."

"Just drive, McNally."

**First thought when I wake up**

**Is my God he's beautiful**

**So I put on my make up**

**And pray for a miracle**

**Yes, I could tell you**

**His favourite colour's green**

**He loves to argue**

**Oh, and it kills me**

**His sister's beautiful**

**He has his father's eyes**

**And if you asked me if I loved him**

**I'd lie.**

**RBRBRBRBRB**

**There, another chapter that took my two nights to write. Mostly because I kept taking breaks in order to draw some police doggies. I hope you enjoyed, so if you did, or didn't, review **


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, okay. I don't know if I have a lot or a little to say.**

**So I'll start out by saying I'm leaving the 15****th****, not the 10****th****. So I'll probably be writing again the second of September, but school starts on the 5****th****. Until then, gosh, I have lots to do. I spend an hour or so everyday walking and jogging (got to stay in shape, I do plan on joining the canine corps in law enforcement.), and I decided to brush up on my guitar skills, rock and roll.**

**On an awesome note, I don't know how many of you keep up with Andy Brown, who wrote and sang Ashes, but he tweeted back to me and I major fangirled. He commented on my drawing which was inspired by Blue Eyes, (PS, it was a picture of Sam/Andy making smoochie faces :P) **

**Thirdly, Thursday is coming up. I already made arrangements so I will not be watching it alone, and my best friend agreed to hold me while I cry due to said spoilers. Gah.**

**Anyways, I am aware that Sam has brown eyes and Andy has hazel/brown, but ignore the fact the song says "blue." And just enjoy.**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Everyone has a reason to ride**

**With a different opinion in mind**

To say they viewed things differently, well, wouldn't be much truth. In fact, they viewed things like polar opposites. She was much more of an optimist; she had young, naïve eyes. She always looked for the best in people, even when they didn't deserve it. She was always one to give second chances; she never ran out of them. It amazed him, really, but he was thankful. If it weren't for her naïve, no, no naïve, innocent. If it weren't for her innocent outlook on life, no matter what their job threw at them, he wouldn't be in the position he was now. She would've looked at him just like the other rookies did; fear, but respect. She looked past that, went straight for his heart with her arrows.

But unlike her, he was more of a realist. He wasn't one to ponder on what life will give him. Not one to look to the future for good bearings; for fortune. He took what was given to him and made it his own. He had been on the force for about 15 years; since he was 22. Fifteen years is a long time to be put in the face of all that is wrong with the world, day in and day out.

But she had only been on the force, and in his life, for a fifth of that. Three years was a short time. A short time in the face of danger; pain. But she had been facing that long before those last three years. Actually, she had been facing the pain for the same amount of time he had been on the force; 15 years.

He'll give her the fact that because he dealt with everything for his whole 37 years of existence, that she still had much more youth and innocence to the gut wrenching guilt that you can only do so much to make a difference. She had yet to be completely jaded; she still had her whole being. Well, most of it.

Even through it all; her 15 years comparing to his 37, they still viewed things so differently. They had different opinions. Yes, they sometimes argued about that, but they managed to get through it. She opened his eyes and he could see some optimism shine through the dark of his realist life. She made him believe, even when he didn't want to.

**On a mission to be the last in the line**

**Like a still frame frozen in time**

He was never one to believe in those moments. The ones where everything slows down and you can see everything with a new clarity. Sure, on the job it sort of happened. Things moved in a slightly slower timeframe, giving him access to small details about the subjects and things going on around him. But those were always so jumbled, so many things happening. He never believed it would happen at a time with such little action.

But at that moment, that small moment, it happened. It was so clear, her facial expression changing from relief to reassurance. A promise to him, a newfound confidence in her feelings. She wasn't worried, or scared of what he'd say, or lack of. She gave the most dazzling smile that had ever graced her features; one of pure joy.

He had witnessed grins like that before, but they didn't compare. He recalls occasions where it would just be them in his house, or her apartment, and they'd be joking around. Or talking about anything. Maybe even just lying in bed.

But this time, this time it was different. There was nothing holding back her smile; no drunk father, absentee mother, cheating fiancé. It was her, purely in herself. In her happiness and confidence that she knew what she was feeling.

He always knew he felt that way about her. She was made her way under his skin without even knowing it. She had managed to make herself a necessary part of his life in just a few months. In just a few months, she had his complete trust. Hell, she had his heart.

He never voiced his feelings to her; he was always afraid she would spook and run. She had trusted him completely, even with her heart. Maybe she wasn't aware, but she did. He wasn't willing to admit it, even once they got together. He made his love for her clear with small gestures and words, but never using the big one.

He had let her make the first move. He thought maybe sometime around that month or year or whatever, maybe then she'd admit her true feelings.

But he hadn't expected it then. Not after a hellish day chasing after Bobby Love and a mob, using a psychic. Of all things, a psychic. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that he was telling her about poor Oliver, and it slipped her lips in a girlish giggle.

It rolled off her tongue smoothly; as if she said it to him a million times before. She was so sure of herself, so confident that it took him by surprise. But her confidence took second in surprises, as those three little words took first place.

Her hair fell into her face, the rest pulled back in a hair clip. Her eyes were light and cheery, her voice as well. The sun bounced off her smooth skin, which seemed even softer in the sunlight seeping through the truck windows. Her lips were pulled wide in a smile that took his breath away.

He was speechless.

She sensed his apprehension, quicker than he thought she would. Her face became serious, brows furrowed in reassurance; just like his would do when he was giving her a talk. Her small hands were making wild gestures in her lap, and he wasn't confident that he was even breathing.

The only time things had been that clear and in perfect detail was hours later, when they lay tangled in the sheets of his bed. He watched her; in a not-creepy-but-romantic and only-can-do-this-with-the-one-you-love way. Time hadn't slowed down, but stretched for what seemed like hours. He drank in the sight of her, and for the first time, the words escaped from his mouth before he knew it.

He smiled, wishing that his confession didn't fall on deaf ears. Unbeknownst to him, they hadn't.

**Oh, things are much better now**

**Think I'll be fine**

**Everything's different now**

**If only tonight**

**The weight alone is lifted down**

**Freedom in sight**

**Thank you blue eyes**

**RBRBRB**

**Sooo sorry for the fact it was less than a thousand words long. But fear not, faithful reviewers and FF friends (can I call you that?), there are other songs by Andy Brown I would like to use. I know how short this chapter was, but it's late and I'm tired. And I'm bust tomorrow so I can't write. The last few days have been great (got to see my family at a wedding), and today was also fantastic. I mean, minus the part where my ex boyfriend called and asked to still be friends. Hate that guy.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, and I'm going to try and write a new chapter super soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

**This will probably be my last chapter for a bit, as to no one has been reviewing, minus one. So I think, until I get feedback, I'm going to stop. No matter how much I want to, I just want to know what you guys think. Seriously.**

**RBRBRBRB**

**You were in college, part time waiting tables**

**Left a small town never looked back**

**I was a flight-risk with a fear of falling**

**Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts**

That day that she busted down his door and blew his cover, that was not the first time they met. He should've recognized her; at least recognized those eyes. But they were different, as was she. Instead of the confident eyes he had seen at the diner years back, these were full of fear and uncertainty. Her hands were shaking, but she still put on a tough front. Unlike years back, when it wasn't a front; but pure hard shell.

-Flashback-

"Excuse me, Officer?" an adolescent voice called, catching a young Sam Swarek's attention. He turned to face the bearer of the voice, his eyes widening in recognition. The girl couldn't have been more than 17, long brown hair tangled with purple. Her clothes were rather revealing; a low cut tank top that barely covered her stomach, and the shortest shorts he had ever seen. He couldn't help but rake his eyes over her slim, but athletic figure.

He remembered her face, it was a little older, but it was the same face that was on the desk of the detective. She was Tommy's daughter. No fooling around with this one. "Yes, can I help you?" he asked, keeping it professional.

Her eyes are big, not in a panicked way, but with curiosity. The deep brown overtaking the supposed-to-be hazel, green and gold flecks reflecting in the sun. And if he squinted, he was sure there would be a bit of blue mixed somewhere underneath. Her skin was a soft, natural tan. Obscuring her tanned flesh were layers of dark eye shadow; enough that he would be surprised if it didn't stain her skin.

She gave him a wide grin, a row of pearly straight teeth blinding him. "Yes, actually," she stated, as if he started the conversation. "What division do you work at?"

Well, that was a specific question. "Ma'am, I can't just give out that information," he tried to play off. Smooth and steady; hardly any nervous stutter.

"You see," she started obviously, "My dad works at Fifteenth. And if you're the Swarek I think you are, so do you. And I have to get to the station, I have dinner with my dad."

"Well, what does that have to do with me?" He secretly knew exactly where the conversation was headed, but any excuse to talk to her longer was a good one.

"I was hoping you could give me a lift." Her voice grew in pitch as the sentence went on. She was suddenly sheepish and he could tell she feared rejection. He gave a nod and tilted his head towards the cruiser, silently ordering to get in.

"I'm not supposed to do this, but I will. Only because I am on my way to the station," he explained, making it seem as if he didn't want to do her this favor. She only nodded, her bottom lip catching between her teeth.

The ride was mostly silent, his eyes casting over to her every few minutes. He was studying her; from the way her hair fell over her shoulders, to the way her eyes seemed lost as she peered out the window. He decided to break the silence as the neared the station.

"So," he said casually, "Do you have a name?"

She chuckled, "Andy McNally at your service. I don't suppose you have a first name?"

"Sam, I work with your dad." That was rather obvious, Sammy.

"I know," she laughed again. Then became serious. "I don't actually think I'm going to make it to dinner." Her eyes were cast to her hands, which were fiddling in her lap.

"Why not?"

"He's probably working still," she explained, her voice sad.

"Okay, how about if your dad can't do dinner, we do dinner," he suggested, hopes up.

She looked at him, smiling widely. "You know, I would love to. But I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that."

Of course she would have a boyfriend. "It's not like we're together. Hell, I just met you. I'm in it for the free food."

"Makes sense," she agreed. "Okay."

"Okay?" he asked.

"Okay. If my dad has work, we'll go out for dinner."

"Okay," he said plainly.

"You know, I don't even think me and my boyfriend will last," she admitted. It was rather random, but he was willing to listen.

"Why not?" he repeated.

"My parents didn't work out. Now I guess it ruined things for me. He told me he loved me."

"Oh."

"I didn't talk to him for three weeks. I ran. I always run. I felt so stupid…"

"Hey," he stated, hooking a finger under her chin so she would look at him. "It's okay. You have every reason to do that. It's fight or flight. Some of us are naturally flighters."

"Are you like this with every teenage girl you pick up?"

"Only the ones with the Bambi eyes." He smiled and his dimples appeared, momentarily distracting her.

"How old are you, again?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"I didn't tell you in the first place."

"I'm going to go with in your late twenties."

"Cool," he whistled. She laughed, turning back to watch the passing buildings.

They pulled up to the station and exited the cruiser. He held the door open for her as she went in search for her dad. Unfortunately for Sam, her dad was able to make dinner.

"Maybe some other night?" she offered weakly. He gave a disappointed smile and affirmed her suggestion. _Some other night_.

-End of flashback-

**Flash forward and we're taking on the world together**

**There's a drawer of my things at your place**

**You know all my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded**

**You say we'll never make my parent's mistake**

"Sam?" she called from the bedroom, startling him so that he almost cut himself with the razor. He turned himself so he could look out of the bathroom and get a good view of her. She was stationed in the middle of the bedroom, next to the bed, in one of his hoodies. The room was disheveled and he could tell that she was searching for something.

"Watcha looking for, McNally?" He dipped the razor in the soapy water, bringing it back up to his chin. After a week without shaving ("It's not movember, Jerry.), Andy had gotten fed up of his makeshift beard and asked him as politely to shave. If politely was pushing his appreciation away and claiming that he would cut her face.

"I can't find an elastic," she confessed. Apparently, to women at least, losing something so small was a reason to flip a room upside down.

"So?" he asked, never fully understanding. She gave him a pointed look, pulling a pair of jeans of the floor and throwing them in the laundry basket. She pulled another pair from her bag and pulled them on.

"I need it for work," she sighed, "Have you seen one?"

"Look in the drawer you keep all your crap in," he suggested. She rolled her eyes at her childish language, but took the tip nonetheless. A few seconds later, she emerged with an elastic around her wrist. She padded over to the bathroom, grabbed the brush, and started pulling her hair back.

"If you don't like my crap, I can always move it to my apartment." With a twist of her wrist, her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail. He would never get how girls could do that. Sure, he's helped McNally with her hair, but that usually involved taking it out of the bind.

"I never said that I don't like your crap. I do. I do like your crap, McNally," he reassured. After a beat, they both realized their conversation.

"Look, I'm not exactly sure where this is going, but can we at least use a different noun?" she pleaded, eyes wary. He enthusiastically agreed, returning to their routine.

"Sam?" she asked out of the blue. They had been silent for a few minutes; a few minutes too long. He shouldn't have let her have the time to think. He gave her a nudge with his hip, encouraging her to continue. "I know, and you do too, about everything that happened with my parents. But what if I end up like my mom? What if I just leave you?"

He swallowed and faced her, hands coming to cup her jaw. His eyes bored into hers, meaning business. "Andy," he choked out, "You are nothing like your mother. You are a passionate person. Sure, you talk a lot, and I mean a lot. But you are not one to just walk out."

"But I run," she argued. His grip on her jaw tightened, pulling her an inch closer to him.

"If you run, I'm running after you," he promised. Her lips pulled up at the corners in a small smile as he pressed his lips to her hair.

**And I remember that fight**

**2:30 AM**

**When everything was slipping right out of our hands**

**I ran out crying and you followed me out onto the street**

They were fighting; again. To say their relationship was easy would be a lie. They fought, but they always worked at it. He kept his promise. Always did. But this time was awful. She was grieving. He was too, but not as much. It wasn't like the time his best friend died, which was five years ago. This time, she lost.

Tommy McNally had passed three weeks ago in a car accident. The universe wasn't being fair. He had been sober for six years, and had been seeing a woman who he had thought to be the one. After Claire, Tommy hadn't seen anyone. But he had met her in the program, then proceeded to start a relationship with her from then on.

But three weeks ago, a drunk driver glided over through the intersection, slamming into the driver's side of Tommy's car. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

For 12 years he was all Andy had. Sure, she had boyfriends, but she only really had her dad. Even in his drunken hazes, he would still try to look out for her. He taught her to drive, helped her get over guys, and even dealt with her teen feminine 'problems'. But he was all she had. And Sam could see her being torn apart. She put on her brave face for everyone, but he could tell in the tremor in her lip and tears rimming her eyes. She was far from okay. She would mentally fight herself every day. She would break herself down in order to make herself feel more pain.

Now she was fighting to get her frustrations out. She needed to do something to get her mind off of torturing herself. He tried to get her to snap out of it, but she had become defensive, claiming that he was treating her like a victim. She didn't want his pity. She didn't need his sympathy, but that was all the Sam knew to give. She told him to stop treating her like she was his job. She felt like she was a Hassel, that he felt as if he was obligated to take care of her.

So he snapped.

It was the wrong way to go about it, he knew. And "I'm not treating you like you're my job. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't. I would've left. But you can't be alone right now, Andy. Your dad just died, you can't be alone," probably didn't help.

She snapped her mouth shut, turning on her heal, and she fled. She left the apartment before he had time to comprehend what was going on. He chased after her, heart racing with pent up emotions.

The pavement was wet by the time he made it outside. It was still raining, almost pouring. The sky was dark, as was everything around. The light from street lamps gave way to some images. One of which was a hunched figure, sitting on the curb. Her feet were probably in a puddle, soaked.

He made his way closer to her, her features and state clear. Her dark hair was wet and matted to her face and neck, her makeup was smudged from the tears that had mixed with the rain and her clothes clung damply to her body. She looked like a lost child. Which, at that moment, she was.

**Braced myself for the good-bye**

**Because that's all I've ever known**

"McNally," he yelled, even though he was only a few feet away. She didn't move, didn't acknowledge his presence. He took his time sitting down next to her, feeling the rain soak through his clothes.

Her bottom lip trembled, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder; pulling her to him. At that moment, she broke. Her body was racked with silent sobs and shudders. He remained still, rubbing soothing circles over her spine and shoulders. His hand came up and cupped her face, pulling her to look at him.

**But you took me by surprise**

**You said, "I'll never leave you alone."**

**You said, "I remember what we felt like sitting by the water**

**And every time I look at you**

**It's like the first time**

**I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter**

**She is the best thing that's ever been mine."**

"Andy," he swallowed, voice thick with emotion. "I promised you that we would work at this if thing went south. This is us, going south. We are going to work at this. You aren't going to get rid of me."

"Why did he leave, Sam?" she sobbed, tears streaming down her face.

"He didn't leave, Bambi. He was taken from you. He was taken from us. I can promise you that if he had a choice, he would still be here. Andy, he loved you more than anything."

"Not more than alcohol," she spat.

"Hey," he became defensive, "He changed. It wasn't him who was drunk. He changed, McNally. He changed for you. And yes, he was careless for those 14 years after your mom left. And it became hard for you to depend on anyone. But Andy, he made you who you are. If it wasn't for all that you two have been through, you wouldn't be like this. And I love you like this, okay? you're father was an amazing man, and he raised an amazing daughter. You made him proud."

By the end of his speech, Sam had tears brimming in his eyes. Sam's father had never been around, but he couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose him.

"Sam," she started, "I love you too." A pause. "Do you really think he's proud of me?"

"McNally, you made him so, so proud."

**You are the best thing**

**That's ever been mine**

**RBRBRB**

**So, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I am suffering from a migraine. And remember, unless I hear that you guys actually want me to continue, I'm not going to. I would like to know if you guys want more chapters or what. We're all friends here, right? Can I call you guys that?**


	10. Chapter 10

**So, uh, I'm not sure where to start. I spent my night bawling. Normally, because I live on the East Coast, I watch RB on Global at 8, then at 11 on ABC. But after last night's episode, I couldn't watch it twice. So instead, I made some wall decorations. Which is basically the term "Serve and Protect" and every second letter has a quote from a character. I mean, it's supposed to inspire me because I'm planning on going into law enforcement instead of writing or art.**

**RBRBRB**

**Completely unaware**

**Nothing can compare to where you send me**

**Lets me know that it's okay**

**Yeah it's okay**

**And the moment when my good times start to fade**

Andy McNally was normally the character that would turn Sam off. She was a smart ass, childish, stubborn and naïve. Not to mention she always got herself into trouble. And she had a tendency to run at the slightest things. She had a heart that was too big and she cared too much. She made it her mission to get through Sam's walls, that he spent so long building up and she always succeeded. If someone had told him that he would end up marrying someone who fit that description perfectly, he would've given a choked laughed and explained your craziness.

He remembers Monica, whom of which he dated before going undercover trying to get Hill. She was simple, easy going. She didn't push him, she was calm, and she was not the innocent mind. They never fought, and everything was simple.

And Sam liked simple.

Until he met Andy.

Andy was complicated. Her need to push him was beyond irritating. She would never give him a break. She always fought with him. But at least they communicated. They fought more than what was healthy, but it was all worth it for those times where they were in perfect happiness.

And to think, he almost gave up on the woman that was currently in his arms, resting peacefully.

-Flashback-

"I was stupid to listen to some rookie's instincts instead of my own," he yelled at her, knowing fully well that this situation wasn't either of their faults. But he was grieving, so he put the blame on her.

"What are you saying?" she asked, cold, white air puffed from her lips. It was freezing outside. And it had been a long day. It was Jerry's funeral and it just made everything more real than he wanted it. Neither had even made it into her apartment before he started yelling.

"I shouldn't have followed you to the bartender, I should've went with Jerry." A beat of silence as his words registered. Her face became hurt, but she covered it to annoyance. But her eyes gave her away. He could see the tears beginning to brim, threatening to fall. Her bottom lip trembled and he was sure she was about to start crying.

But he didn't care.

He was hurting. Because of her. He shouldn't have followed her. But in the back of his mind, he knew that he thought it was the bartender as well.

"You're blaming me for Jerry," she accused. It wasn't a question, but a statement. She knew exactly where he was coming from. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'm saying I can't be a cop and be with you," he finally confessed, breathing out.

Her expression changed from annoyance to acceptance and understanding. Which utterly confused him. He had basically just told her he was either quitting or leaving her, and she understood?

"You're grieving," she explained, as if she knew it all, "So I'm going to leave you alone so you can make your decision."

It killed her to say that, but with one final breath, she turned to leave. She took four steps before she heard his footsteps moving in the opposite direction. She stopped suddenly, turning, ready to give him one final piece of her mind.

"Y'know," she called into the night, "You're just like everyone else."

"What?" he asked, turning around so he could face her.

"Everyone just leaves me when things get tough. But don't worry, I'm used to it. I just didn't expect it from you."

And with that, she turned and left.

Hours later, a knock at her door pulled her from her slumber, or lack of. She groaned, hoping it was Traci looking for comfort. She felt horrible for hoping that, but she couldn't deal with Sam and Traci needed comforting.

She padded to the door, and not wanting to ruin the surprise, opened it. She wasn't very surprised when two strong hands pushed her back into the apartment and up against the wall. His mouth was slanted over hers before she could comprehend things. He was pushing her into the wall and then pulling her impossibly closer to him. His hands were on the small of her back and hers were tangled in his hair.

He pulled back first, both gasping for air. Once his breathing started to come under control, he cupped her face in her hands, making her look at him. Her eyes were still full of hurt, but she was still understanding. "Andy," he choked out, pausing to swallow. "If I had to choose between you and my job, I'd choose you every time."

"But Sam," she interrupted, "I can't ask you to throw away your career for me."

His grip on her face tightened, and he kissed her quickly. "I'm not throwing it away for you. I'm throwing it away for us." He put emphasis on the last words, punctuating his point. She only nodded, snaking her hands back into his hair.

**You make me dance like a fool**

**Forget how to breathe**

**Shine like gold**

**Buzz like a bee**

**Just thought of you can drive me wild**

He couldn't help but smile as wide as he could at the sight before him.

After he finally married Andy, he couldn't have waited much longer, he decided it was time to upgrade to a new house. He knew that he and Andy were going to start a family soon, and he only had one spare room. So after a month of looking, they settled on a four-bedroom house in the suburbs, a street over from Oliver's. The blue siding had faded, and the back deck was breaking, but he, Shaw, Epstein and Diaz had fixed it up. They also put in a playground and new shed. Sam didn't tell the guys, but it was a present for Andy, as she was bearing his first child.

But that was four years ago. Since then, they had expanded their family.

And now he sat on a bench in the side of the yard, located under a tree. The bench was hard and wooden, and slightly uncomfortable. But he didn't really care for that at the moment; he was too happy.

His wife was running around in the green grass, chasing after their two year old daughter, Anna. Their son, who was 4, was swinging on the playground with Leo, who, at age 13, took a surprising interest in Sam's kids. He wasn't complaining, he kept their son occupied.

His name was Jerry, as it was only fitting. Two years after their friend had passed, Andy had given birth to their son. It only seemed right to name him after their belated friend. He had a lot of qualities he knew Jerry would've approved of. He just wished his best friend could be there to witness it all.

Behind Andy and Anna, Barbara Best scampered behind in her six year old glory. Sam scanned the yard, spotting Diaz, arm draped around Peck, chatting with Oliver and Zoe. Collins was occupied with telling Nash of his tails from the military. Frank and Noelle were making their way over to the pair, hand in hand.

A flash of brown and black made its way from inside the house, scampering over to Andy and the girls. The dog barked and wagged his tail, trying to join in on the fun.

It still amazed him how Andy had convinced Sam to get a dog in the first place. Something about wanting her kids to be protected and Sam was so old he took five minutes to get out of bed. So much time, in fact, that he would never be able to chase someone down in the middle of the night. He reasoned that they were in a safe neighborhood, and _Hey, I'm not that old._ But she was persistent. Sam knew it was pointless arguing, and that Andy just really wanted a dog.

Neither of them knew anything about dogs, so they researched a bit, and decided on a breed. That's not true, actually. They couldn't make up their mind. So after much consideration, they allowed Jerry to pick out a dog from the pound, and Andy to pick one from a breeder, _for protection purposes. _

Now, the feisty young German shepherd chased his wife and daughter, barking and bounding. Casey was a handful, worse than the children, he'd say. He was full of energy, and Sam could keep up, but he didn't want to. Andy and the kids, on the other hand, loved the active pup. The kids always made a show of rough housing with him, and on a few occasions, managed to dress the dog up.

Sam preferred quiet, always had. He made some exceptions; his wife, for instance. He didn't regret it; he loved her more than anything. But he still liked quiet, which was probably why he bonded to the 8 year old American bulldog. The dog was deaf in one ear, and had a mean look to her. Her coat was a faded white with grey spots, making her age appear obvious.

But she enjoyed just sitting, which was what she was doing. Her front left leg was draped over Sam's right, head resting underneath his hand as he massaged circles into the folded skin. Every time Sam chuckled, or moved, the dog's stub of a tail would wiggle.

Andy caught his attention when she tripped over Casey, tumbling into the grass. Anna followed suit, jumping onto her mother. Barbara laughed, backing up as Casey circled the trio, barking. Sam couldn't help but smile. He never could. Everything this woman did made him smile.

**You make me smile like the sun**

**Fall outta bed**

**Sing like a bird**

**Dizzy in my head**

**Spin like a record**

**Crazy on a Sunday night**

**Oh, you make me smile**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Sorry for the short chapter, guys. I'm at my mom's house with my sister, and they got MJ hyped up so he's running around thinking he's ninja. And I'm going to Jen's soon to make cake and cry over RB, so I have a busy day. Just thought I would fit in this chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okie dokie, my friends. I have today and tomorrow and the next day to write and then I leave. I think I'm going to miss writing as much as I'm going to miss the dogs and Henry. I would bring them, but there are so many things they can't do. And there are other dogs up there, Molly no likey. **

**Just before I actually write, you guys want to know what's pissing me off? All the bagging on the writers over Jerry's death. This is my favourite show, and Jerry was easily my third favourite character, so don't think I don't care. I cried my eyes out. Not to mention my brother looks like Noam Jenkins, so yeah. **

**But everyone is saying how stupid and horrible they are for killing him off. Like, come on now. The show is realistic, and at some point, there are casualties. I have so much respect for this show, its writers, staff, and actors. I'm more than happy that they had the balls to keep this show realistic. Yes, it's heart breaking, but real life is.**

**Anyway, I'll stop myself there and start writing.**

**Disclaimer: Well, I dreamt about it last night, I think they should give Rookie Blue to me. No avail though**

**RBRBRB**

**Well, I'll never forget the first time I heard**

**Her pretty mouth say that dirty word**

**And I can't even remember what she backed my truck into**

**But she covered her mouth and her face got red**

**And she just looked so darn cute**

**I couldn't even act like I was mad**

**Yeah, I live for little moments like that**

Andy McNally, contrary to popular belief, did not swear that much. She was young, and had a very rebellious teenage phase, but she did not swear that much. She was much more likely to bite her lip and cuss in her head.

If she cursed before, she didn't once she was with Sam. Well, she did. But not out of anger or any form of being upset. Maybe when they were fighting, but she usually swore after the fight was over, and they were making up.

They didn't fight as much after her declaration of her love for him. He may have not have said it back, and she wasn't planning on saying it at the time. But he told her to keep the keys to his truck, that damn truck he didn't let anyone drive, she knew.

But she didn't swear, and he cussed noticeably less. Hell, he even let her drive his truck a lot more. Well, he did.

"Shit," she cussed, the word exploding for her mouth before she had time to think. The garbage cans rolled around behind the truck, the jagged metal of the one they had run over, scratching the paint on the back of the truck. The crunch of the lid and smell of ripe garbage making its way into the cab.

She hardly noticed Sam, in the passenger seat. He was turned towards her, ready to give her a piece of his mind, when he stopped. His eyebrows went to his hairline and his jaw was slacked. A grin pulled at the corners of his lips, pure surprise written over his hard features. The seatbelt was digging into his shoulder, and in the back of his mind he thought maybe he should take it off. But he knew the sudden movement would startle her. So he watched her.

It took a few moments before her features changed from surprise, to anger, to annoyance, to the realization of the words she had uttered. Her eye brows furrowed, then went up. Her mouth went from being pursed to an 'o'. A blush rose from her neck to her cheeks. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel, until she removed them to hide her embarrassment, and her face turned to look at his. She expected to see him glaring at her, but after a moment of him gawking, a loud belly laugh slipped his lips.

_He was laughing?_ She wasn't quite sure what was happening anymore. _Wasn't he supposed to be mad, infuriated? Attempting to murder me and then making it look like an accident? What?_

She was curiously as he tossed his head back, still laughing. She dropped her hands into her lap and furrowed her eyebrows. She squinted her eyes, cocked her head, and grinned at his foolishness. He was full of surprises. She really was not expecting the laughter.

After a few minutes, he quieted down to silent chuckles. He turned to look at her fully. Her blush had gone down and her scared expression turned to confusion. "So, uh," he chuckled, "You want to assess the damage first, or should I?" A cocky grin replaced a simple smile, dimples staring her down.

She practically jumped out of the truck, running around to the back to check out the damage. To her, it didn't seem so bad. A small dent, a simple scratch of paint. But to him, well, she was in for it. She looked up and their eyes met in the rear view mirror. He could tell she was frightened, so he slipped the seat belt off, and made his way to her.

After a few moments of assessment, he decided that she should be in trouble. But when he peered over at her, she was practically shaking in her boots. So he decided to let her off easy.

She almost backed away when he stalked over, hands clenched in mock anger. Her eyes widened but she didn't step back. He grasped the back of her head, and before she could comprehend what he was doing, he covered her mouth with his, swallowing her protests.

He bent down, opening his mouth wider, and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Her hands came up and fisted into his hair. She was responding, but he could tell she was still confused.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers, trying to keep her close. "You're going to pay for this," he panted. He could tell she believed there was a double meaning by the smirk that graced her lips. He shook his head, kissing her quickly. There was a double meaning, sure, but he wanted her to literally pay, cash, to repair it. "That too, but I meant with money. You can pay the repair man."

"But aren't you the repair man?" Well, he did say he could fix her car blindfolded and cuffed.

"Yup." Sam said, popping the 'p'. She shook her head, laughing.

"Are you mad?" she tentively asked, after a moment. He shook his head, 'no', before pressing his lips back to her.

**Well, that's just like last year on my birthday**

**She lost all track of time and burnt the cake**

**And every smoke detector in the house was going off**

**And she was just about to cry**

**When I took her in my arms**

**And I tried not**

**To let her see me laugh**

**Yeah, I live for little moments like that**

The obnoxious ringing bled throughout his house as he began to wave a cloth around and she opened the windows to rid the smoke. The smoke began to blow away, the wind from outside pulling it through the mesh. He continued to wave the cloth around, and she grabbed one and joined in.

It was his second birthday with his son, and he was looking forward to spending it with his kid and wife. But last minute, Sarah had decided to kidnap the two-year-old, claiming 'You need to spend some time with your wife, Sammy.' And he wasn't able to argue before she disappeared. So he returned to the kitchen, where his wife was stirring frosting in the bowl.

Now, he was well aware that Andy wasn't much of a baker, but over the past few years, she definitely changed. Nothing about her besides the fact the learnt to cook. But with a young son, she didn't really think take-out was all the appropriate.

Her arm was stirring vigorously, the blue frosting flinging out and plopping onto the tile floor. The young puppy, which they had gotten only a month prior, swooped in to clean up the mess. Andy laughed, lightly pushing the dog away with her foot. When he fought to clean up the rest of the mess, Sam swooped in to help. He grabbed the shepherd, pulling Casey into his arms. The dog struggled at first, not being the biggest fan of Sam, before relaxing.

Andy opened up a clear bag, pulling out a blue wafer, and plopped it into the puppy's mouth before turning to wash her hands. The cold water stung her hands, so she pulled the handle of the hot water. The amount of water pouring out of the faucet did not increase, and she tilted her head at it. She turned off the cold water to check, but was disappointed when the water turned off altogether. She reached up, squirted some soap onto her hands, before a stream of cold water rinsed it off.

"Sam," she sighed drying her hands on a towel. He was bent down, puppy awkwardly raised behind him as he tried to feed the bulldog a wafer. She knew Casey would not miss a chance to steal food, which made Sam's job of feeding Delilah all the more challenging. Once the white dog swallowed, she took her time, the wafer, he placed Casey down on the floor. He stood, not taking his eyes off the dogs until he forced them to his wife.

He gave her a once over, trying to tell if he could see her baby bump yet. He couldn't. "Sam," she called again. His eyes focused on hers, letting her continue. "The hot water is broken," she complained.

Sam let out a heavy sigh, promising to fix it while she was finishing up the cake. In the meantime, he decided to go out back with the two canines. For a few minutes, Andy remained in the kitchen by herself, stirring the frosting in silence. It was already mixed as well as it ever would be, but she didn't have much else to do. So, checking the timer on the cake, she reasoned that she still had enough time to go outside with her husband.

The green grass tickled the bottoms of her feet, and she made a note to cut the grass before it was as tall as Jerry. She stood by the back deck, merely watching Sam chasing the puppy. She was happy, really, that he would put in the effort to bond to the dog. She knew he was not exactly Casey's biggest fan, they just didn't connect. But he refused to remove the dog, reminding her that 'It doesn't matter if I don't like him, you and Jer like him. And he'd good, playful. Besides, maybe I'll grow to like him.' And gave her a grin. She was more than happy with him. He was willing to put up with a dog that tore his clothing and peed on his shoes, in order to keep his family happy. Also, because she told him it was just a puppy stage.

He looked up from the German shepherd, to meet her gaze. He gave a smirk as he watched her fighting her emotions that were brought on by the pregnancy. It took him a moment before the other dog caught his eye, as she made her way to Andy. She stumbled a bit, her older age making things a little bit more difficult. She fell up onto the deck, lying down to rest her head on Andy's lap. He knew that Delilah would be good for the baby, as she was silent and patient.

He knew that as soon as the baby was born, his family would be complete. And he was more than excited.

Andy's face registered before the sound, her eyebrows raising and shock written over her face. But a moment later, the loud ringing blared from inside. _Damn cake_. Andy pushed the dog off her, gently of course, and bolted into her house. Sam following suit. The dogs following protectively.

He found Andy, who was disheveled and angsty, swinging a cloth around. He stopped briefly, so put a rock by the screen door so it would remain open. Then he joined her, waving the other cloth around. She ran throughout the house, opening windows. When she returned, it was almost clear of smoke. She turned off the oven before opening to door, a new cloud of smoke billowing out. She grabbed the other cloth, swinging it around again. Her eyes were becoming wet and agitated, partly from smoke, partly from her emotions.

When the smoke was almost gone, Sam noticed Andy's brown eyes were brimming with tears. He reached out for her, hands grasping her shoulders, and brought her to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, hers going around his waist. He could feel a growing wet spot on his shoulder, and brought a hand up with smooth down her hair. They remained like that, locked in each other's embrace, as he tried to calm her down. The only sounds were her sniffling, the alarm that was slowly dying down, and barking from the puppy.

He found the situation funny, actually. The fire alarm and burnt cake reminding him of years before, when Claire McNally found her way back into Andy's life. So many things had changed since then, except for Andy and him. It took a lot of work, but there they were; married, a son with a new baby on the way, two dogs, a house. They were happy.

But something about the burnt cake made Sam just want to laugh. She went to pull away, but he knew she would not appreciate his laughter, so he pulled her closer. He knew she could feel it, a silent rumble from his chest, a subtle shaking of his shoulders. But when he pulled her in, she melted into his arms, a sigh escaping her. He waited until she was calmed down before he pushed her from him enough to pull her into a kiss. His mouth remained slanted over hers, moving in a familiar pattern, before the need for oxygen became too much and he had to pull away.

"Why don't we take a nap, and then we can restart the cake," he suggested, pulling her out of the kitchen. She pulled her hand away, collected plastic wrap from the drawer and covered the frosting. She removed the burnt cake from the oven, and proceeded to pull the crusty pastry out of the pan and into a green bin bag.

She looked around the kitchen to make sure everything was in place, before racing him to their room.

**Yeah, I know that she's not perfect**

**But she tries so hard for me**

**And I thank God that she isn't**

'**Cause how boring would that be**

**It's the little imperfections**

**The sudden change of plans**

**When she misreads the directions**

**And we're lost but holding hands**

**Yeah, I live for little moments like that**

"Andy," he started warningly as she began toying with the GPS. For two cops, they managed to get lost pretty quickly. Just three hours on the road they had taken a wrong turn. He was especially surprised, with himself, because he usually knew these roads like the back of his hand. She, on the other hand, claimed that a GPS would help. _Well, sweetheart, sorry to say, but. _

She glared his way, giving up and glancing out with window. Up ahead, she could see the beginnings of a town. A gas station, Tim Horton's, a few fast food restaurants and markets. Sam followed her gaze, knowing what she had in mind. He went to pull off the shoulder when she stopped him.

"Okay kids, what do you say? How about we drop Daddy off here, then we can go to Timmy's for a bathroom break and get some food. And your father can let the dogs out for a short walk," she offered. The kids immediately perked up at the mention of food. They nodded gleefully as Andy undid her seatbelt, preparing to make her way to the driver's side. "The jury has spoken," she laughed.

Sam undid his seatbelt, gave his children a playful glare. "Well," he grumbled, "I can tell who the favourite parent is." He pushed open his door, waited for Andy to hop in his side. Before closing the door, he mumbled a quick "You suck," on her lips, then slammed her door in faux anger. He pulled open to back door, Anna's side, and reached for the doors leads. He playfully tapped Jerry's knee, and went to kiss his daughter's forehead.

"Can I go with Daddy?" she piped up. A wide grin spread over Sam's face as he cocked an eyebrow at Andy. She only sighed and gave her daughter the go-ahead. Sam helped her out of the van, mumbling to Anna that next time, she and Sam will take his truck. She only giggled, wrapping her arms around her dad's neck as he lifted her out of the van.

He placed her on the ground and held her hand as he opened the hatchback. Casey began wiggling and barking at the sight of freedom, and Sam warned his daughter to stay back. He opened the crate door slightly, before shoving his hand in. He clipped the lead on and took a step back, allowing the dog to leap out. He wrapped the fabric around his hand before opening the second crate; let her take a step out before he wrapped an arm around Delilah. He put the dog on the ground and snapped her head on too. He passed the reins to Anna, who would have no trouble walking her. The dog didn't need a leash, and her slow pace made her a good walking companion for the three year old.

He shut the hatchback, slapped a hand on the car, and waved his wife good-bye as she entered the small town. He held his daughter's hand as they made their way along the side of the road, waiting a moment before crossing onto the sidewalk. They travelled in silence for a few minutes, letting the dogs sniff and do their business. But, like her mother, Anna wasn't one for silence.

"Daddy," she called. Sam looked down at her, his brown eyes meeting ones that reminded him of his wife's. "How did you and mommy meet?" He was rather surprised that she had never asked that before. But he always knew how he would explain it to his daughter.

"Well," he started, a smile pulling at his mouth, "You know how Daddy used to be an undercover police man?" She nodded. "Well, I was under cover for 8 months. That's a long time. And I was trying to take down this big man, he was really bad."

"Did he hurt people?" Sam felt her hand squeeze his tighter. He pulled back on the dog's lead, trying to get him to listen.

"Yes, sweetie. He did. But I was trying to get him to stop. And two weeks before I was ready to take him down, your mom came along. It was her first day on the job, so I guess she didn't realize what she was doing. But she chased me down an alley, tackled me and tried to kiss me," he ended, chuckling at the memory.

Anna smiled, admiring her father for a moment. "Did you know you loved mommy when you first seen her?"

Sam didn't want to tell his three year old daughter about the blackout, even though that's when he figured out that he loved her. So he shook his head. "Not right away. I was really mad at your mom. But she came into the locker room and yelled at me to smarten up, and I realized, she was really amazing."

A beat of silence. "Did you get the bad guy?"

Sam sighed. After about four years, they finally got what they needed and Anton Hill was placed under arrest. "Yeah, Anna, he's in jail for a long time. He can't hurt anyone else."

She giggled. "What?" he asked.

"Mommy said you called her Bambi." Anna explained.

"So?"

"You call me Bambi."

"So that's funny?" Now he was confused.

"I'm like mommy," she continued.

"Yes, yes you are." They neared the Tim Horton's and Sam located the van. He pulled open the hatchback, setting the dogs back inside their crates so he could take his daughter into the café.

He told Anna that a million times; she was a spitting image of her mom. There was no comparison, they were the same.

"Does that mean I'm gonna tack my hubband and try to kiss him?" she asked.

"Look, Bambi, you could get away with anything with those eyes. But I better not ever see you kissing boys," he warned sternly before bending down and tickling his daughter. Her laughter pierced the silence of the town, a beautiful melody. He picked her up and placed her on his hip, opening the door to reunite with his wife and son.

Her laughter was dying down when he made it to them. "What's so funny?" Andy asked, tray of drinks in hand. Sam smiled, then reached out and kissed Andy, effectively silencing her.

"Daddy says you tacked him and tried to kiss him." Anna piped up again, interrupting the moment. Andy back away, swatted Sam's chest, before placing the drinks on the counter. She reached for Anna, pulling her from her father's grasp.

"I'm gonna take her to the bathroom," she explained. She turned to leave as Sam grabbed the drinks, but turned and walked back up to him. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips, proclaimed her love, which he echoed, and disappeared.

The young woman behind the counter gave him a knowing smile, handing Jerry the bag of food Andy must've ordered. He gave a smile, then sat himself at a table and waited.

**When she layin' on my shoulder**

**On the sofa in the dark**

**And about the time she falls asleep **

**So does my right arm**

**And I want to bad to move it 'cause it's tingling and its numb**

**But she looks like such an angel that I don't wanna wake her up**

**Yeah I live for little moments**

**When she steals my heart again**

**And doesn't even know it**

Sam was happy. Probably the happiest he's ever been. He knew that it could be better, given that his best friend still be alive, as well as Andy's father. But even with those demons on his doorstep, he was happy. He had everything he ever wanted. He finally had a family.

Sure, they were a little dysfunctional, a little odd, but somehow, everything just worked. His children were everything to him. Jerry was just like Detective Barber; witty and smooth with everyone. He also knew the facts and was extremely smart and organized. His black hair and tan skin sometimes made Sam wonder how his own child could resemble his best friend. But he also knew that Andy, even though Irish, was dark.

And Anna. Little Anna Banana. She was her Daddy's little angel. She looked just like her mom, chestnut brown hair and brown/hazel eyes. She was still innocent to the evils of the world, and if she was anything like her mom, she would never let those evils taint how she views things.

Sam knew that it was only a matter of time before he was going to have to fend off boys. But he was prepared. Worse comes to worse, he could flash his badge and gun and scare them off.

Then, there was Andy. The love of his life, the most perfect woman ever. He would never understand what he ever did to deserve the majestic creature that lay in his arms. But he would never complain.

He glanced down at her sleeping form, memorizing the soft and shallow breathing. The way her hair fell over her face. How relaxed she was. He would spend his whole life memorizing it. Knowing that his imagination would never compare to the real thing.

In the back of his mind, he registers the numb, tingling feeling in his right arm. But he would rather have a blood-deprived limb than interrupt her in her most peaceful state. But he also knows that if they stay like this, they'll both regret it in the morning.

But he could always wait just a few more minutes.

**Yeah, I live for little moments like that**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Oh my god. I must say I am surprisingly very much happy with that chapter. Especially the part with the cake. I even chuckled when I wrote "Anna Banana" because my friends and family like to call me "Hannah Banana". But after fighting that I do not like that nickname, they settled for Hannahbelle. Hehe. Cute name. **

**Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I did. Especially because I wrote it instead of cleaning. But now I have to take Molly and MJ for a walk, sigh. Then maybe play some music. Who knows?**

**On a random note, I feel really loving today. So I just want to say how much I appreciate your reviews! I love you guys! But seriously, no has told me if I should consider you people as "friends" or is that too much? Hmm….**


	12. Chapter 12

**How about two chapters in one day? Oh god, guys, you don't know how happy your reviews on the last chapter made me! Gah! I almost do not want to leave, but I do. So…I'm going to spend a bunch of time listening to music and finding other songs.**

**On a rather silly note, my other story, After Burn was bugging me. I kept wondering why people weren't reviewing chapter 8. Then I realized, I still had yet to post that chapter. Silly me. **

**Friends (hehe), I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**RBRBRB**

**When I look into your eyes**

**It's like watching the night sky**

**Or a beautiful sunrise**

**Well there's so much they hold**

**Just like them old stars**

**You can see that they've come so far**

**To get right where you are**

**How old is your soul?**

Andy was only 27 years old. She was ten years younger than him, but so much wiser. He didn't know how, but she was. And he wasn't about to start comparing her life to his to find out who's was harder, because they both had their share of pain. She with her absentee mother, drunken father, all the wrong guys. He and his dead mother, dad in jail, and deteriorating sister. But he had a family. He had people to play the father and mother figure. She didn't.

But even with his 10 years, she was all the more wiser. He had always felt that he was wise, but as it turns out, he was just no-nonsense. She may have been innocent, refusing to let the job damage her view on the world, but she was still wise.

The thing that never fails to get her what she wants; her eyes. Sure, she can brush her body against him, a caress of her hand, and he's a goner; hers for the taking. But her eyes, her damn eyes never fail her. He loves her eyes. Really, he will spend hours, if he could, just staring. He does, after they spend time in bed. He just watches her. And her gaze will catch his. And he watches.

Usually, it's dim light, moonlight streaming through closed curtains. It illuminates her features. Her skin has a cooling layer of sweat, making the light dance off her cheekbones. Her lips are pink and swollen, bruised and parted slightly. He can see her white teeth as she grins, her cheeks rising a bit.

Her eyes.

God, those eyes. The moonlight reflects in them, making them seem as if they're glowing. A cinnamon background, specks of gold and dark brown. And normally, someone would over look it. But he's spent so much time gazing into those hazel orbs, that he can pick out the faded green lines that surround the pupil.

He could look into her eyes for the rest of his life, if she allowed. But he watches her, now, as her eyelids begin to flutter. Her eyelashes dance across her skin as she closes her eyes, succumbing to sleep. He misses watching her eyes, immediately. But he knows that once morning arrives, he'll get to look into them again.

**And when you need your space**

**To do some navigating**

**I'll be here patiently waiting**

**To see what you find**

There was a time, years ago, when she took off. She ran as fast as she could. But he was expecting it. They lay in bed as his hand ran over her side. He had mentioned earlier about starting a family, and watched as those eyes, that he loved, widened in fear. She wasn't ready, or so he thought at first. But she had gone on to explain that she was afraid she wouldn't be a good enough mother. Considering she had never had a mother to look up to.

He had reassured her that she was nothing like her mom, but she had asked for a few days. He had allowed her to leave him. She promised that she was only leaving for a few days to think, and that she would return in a certain amount of hours.

It had been two days before he was informed that Andy had left with Nash and Leo to a cabin that Andy used to go to with her dad. He wasn't very surprised, knowing that Nash was probably one of the best moms he knew. She could reassure Andy that she had what it took to be a mom.

He waited patiently, or as patiently as he could, for her return. He spent a lot of time at Oliver's, he put in more work hours. In fact, he even went and spent hours in the guest bedroom, just sitting. He inspected it over and over, trying to see if it would be suitable for a nursery. Once he was convinced that it was, he had made his way to the backyard. He patched up the holes in his fence, mowed the grass, and made sure the ground was level.

He was well aware that he was acting crazy. Andy still had to figure out if she wanted a baby, or if she could handle one. But Sam had high hopes for her. He secretly already knew her answer, so he was making sure his house would be baby material.

But he could only fit one other human being in the house, so with time, they would have to move. Somewhere with three or four bedrooms, a larger back yard. A playground, a pool. Maybe even a dog (not that Sam was particularly fond of them), and he would get his Canadian dream.

He had called Sarah down into the city and explained everything. Once she had gone over the house and gave him things that he needed to fix in order to baby-proof the home, she had left back for Saint Catherine's, never being a fan of the city.

Three days after that, he had over-eagerly greeted Andy at the door. Hours later, when they were lying in bed, exhausted, she mentioned that she had made up her mind. He was slightly frightened, as if there were any doubt that she would decline.

He should've known better, because she hadn't. Her face broke out into a grin as she gleefully informed him that she wanted to start a family with him. That the time spent with Leo and Traci had helped to show her that she wanted a family, due to the fact that she never had one.

She promised him, as he fell asleep, that she would never leave.

'**Cause even when the stars, they burn**

**Some even fall to the earth**

**We've got a lot to learn**

**God knows we're worth it**

"McNally," he drawls warningly, eyes boring into her. She shrugs it off, continuing her pacing around the room. She was rambling on, something incoherent, as her hands fidgeted at her sides. Every now and then, she would run a hand through her hair, which would be tangled, and she'd spend a moment untangling it.

Normally, her antics would amuse him, but today they weren't only annoying, they were making him worried. He didn't want to give his hopes up, but she was going completely crazy. He couldn't blame her, really, he was feeling the same way. At least he could hide it.

They had been trying for a baby for months now, with no luck. But lately, McNally had been moody and emotional. Then, out of nowhere, at breakfast, she made the declaration that her punctuation was late. _What was it? A comma? Apostrophe?_ _You should know this, you have an older sister._ But it had escaped his mind when she instructed him to go buy her a pregnancy test.

So, after almost speeding to the pharmacy, he excitedly picked out three different tests. At the checkout counter, he impatiently shifted from one foot to the other. The cashier, an older woman, asked if his girlfriend was pretty, as she was making polite conversation. Sam quickly informed her that Andy was the most beautiful, before jogging out of the store, racing home.

Since he had barged through the door to have Andy steal the bag from him, he had made his way to lie on the bed, facing the bathroom. Propped on an elbow, legs stretched down the bed, he watched her pace. He glanced at his watch; thirty seconds. He could feel his heart begin to race.

Could this be it? Could they finally be starting their own family? He knew that the tests weren't always accurate, but if at least two were positive, they were going to get an ultrasound done – stat.

"Sam, what if I'm not ready for this?" Andy asked, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Sam patted the bed next to him, silently beckoning her over. She crawled onto the mattress and let herself fall onto the sheets. Sam reached his free-hand out, brushed some hair out of her face and grabbed her jaw.

"Andy," he swallowed, "Whatever that test says, you're ready. Sure, we have a lot to learn, neither of us have ever had kids. But I know that you're good with Nash's kid, and I've taken care of my nieces. It'll be a learning experience, we just have to find our parenting strengths."

That seemed to calm her down for the moment. Then he checked his watch and began to sit up. But he was pushed back when his wife leapt off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. He sat up, legs hanging over the side, as he was anxiously.

She emerged a moment later, all three tests in hand. Her expression was unreadable, which worried Sam. After a breathless moment, a small smile crept onto her face. The small grin making way for a large, toothy, smile. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question, and let all the air escape him when she nodded.

"Yes?" he breathed, standing up.

"Yes," she exclaimed, running at him, leaping off the ground and into his arms. She peppered his face in kisses before meeting his lips in a heated embrace. He swung her around, lightly tossing her onto the bed, before covering her body with his.

After a moment, he broke for air. "We're having a baby?" he asked, again.

"We're having a baby."

**No, I won't give up**

**I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily**

**I'm here to stay**

**And make a difference that I can make**

**Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts**

**We got, yeah, we got a lot at stake**

**And in the end you're still my friend**

**At least we did intend for us to work**

**We didn't break, we didn't burn**

**We had to learn**

**How to bend without the world caving in**

**And I had to learn what I got and who I'm not**

**And who I am**

Sam Swarek was a lot of things; police officer, brother, friend, father, and husband. He knew his strengths, both physically and mentally. He knew his weaknesses, and how to avoid them. He knew how to hold a gun and take down a suspect and train a rookie. He knew how to be there when it mattered, how to make a kid laugh, and how to crack a horrible joke to cut the tension.

What Sam Swarek didn't know how to do; was to fall in love.

So when he began falling, he had no idea what was happening. But it had, and once he came to terms with it, he took it in stride. He made the woman of his dreams; his. He was never giving her up. Nor would he give up on her.

**No, I won't give up on us**

**Even if the sky gets rough**

**I'm giving you all my love**

**I'm still looking up**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Now, I'm not super happy with this. But I'm tired, and I have stuff I got to do in the morning. Oh god, I'm going to miss you guys. **

**But, on a brighter note, while I'm gone, I was given the task to write a song of my own. So that's what I'm doing. Maybe it'll relate to McSwarek? (most likely), but since you guys will have no idea what is goes like, I will probably post a link once all the work is done. That way, once it's edited and on youtube, you guys can hear it. Woohoo. **

**Remember, you guys rock.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm crying on the inside, over a bowl of cereal, because this is my last day of writing. And if this chapter doesn't flow as smoothly as others, sorry beforehand, as I'm not quite inspired. I'm sad, actually. The dogs are a pain, the cat won't shut up and Jen isn't the least bit happy with my absence. So I have some stuff on my mind.**

**On an awesome note, I drew a picture of Luke Callaghan and tweeted it to Eric Johnson. He tweeted back! And my fangirling kept me up until 3:00am. And, if you guys want to know what I'm up to, I am on twitter. And if you have any suggestions, you can PM me. ( HannahJenifer).**

**So….if this happens to be the last time I hear from you people, good-bye. *sobs***

**RBRBRBRB**

**I've been waiting for my dreams**

**To turn into something**

**I can believe in**

**And looking for that magic rainbow**

**On the horizon, I couldn't see it**

**Until I let go**

**Gave into love**

**And watched all the bitterness burn**

**Now I'm coming alive, body and soul**

**And feelin' my world start to turn**

Sam couldn't name on one hand all of his problems. He had a lot. They started from after he was born; two months. Two months old, his mother died in a car accident. Three years later, his dad attempted to murder the man who killed his mom; ending him up in jail. At the age of nine, he was happily settled into a foster home. At age nine, his sister was attacked. For years after, Sam had spent his time trying to understand his sister and ways to cheer her up.

At age 17, he met the woman he thought he was going to fall in love with; Melanie Hart. She was perfect to him; blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin. She was a slight creature, little to her frame. He towered over her, felt strong and in control. He was happy.

At age 18, he graduated high school, had a girlfriend and a scholarship. He was going into university for criminology, and then he was going to join the academy. He had his life ready and planned, because now he felt as if planning was the smart idea.

At age 21, he had graduated the academy, still had a girlfriend, made it through his rookie rotation, and had gained new friends. His job had taken up a lot of time, though, and he didn't get to spend as much time with Melanie. And after work, he usually went to the Penny with Jerry, Oliver, Noelle and Frank.

At twenty-two, he had found out that Melanie had been having an affair with an accountant. An accountant of all things. Really? He couldn't bear the thought of her cheating. That night, she had informed him that she had a meeting. A _meeting_. He knew what she was actually doing. So he packed all his stuff, left her a note explaining that he knew, and left to his own house.

About three weeks later, he had agreed to meet with her so they could talk things out. They had come to the conclusion that it was better if they weren't together. Who would've known? Hart broke his heart.

For years, he had only had casual relationships; all of the woman knowing it wasn't serious. They would be together for a few months, realize it wasn't working, and break up. He had never been heartbroken again, as he was guarded. Some of them had tried to break down his walls, with no avail.

Then he met Detective Boyd. After becoming more involved in Guns n' Gangs, he believed undercover was his true calling. So he did it. Things with undercover had become serious, and he had planned on going under to take down Anton Hill; the white whale.

Beforehand, though, he had to tell Monica, whom he had been seeing for a while. He had been avoiding her the last few days, but now it was time to confront her. She had appeared to have taken it well, but when he went to see her a day before he left, she refused to talk to him.

So he left; he lost himself in those 8 months. Eight months in a dirty apartment, listening to Moby Dick, befriending all the dealers and traffickers. All that time he had spent losing himself; just two more weeks and it would be over. Two more weeks.

But before he had the chance to confront himself, two weeks before, he had met his biggest problem. Bigger than Detective Callaghan, bigger than all those women, a problem that was up there with his childhood.

Andy McNally.

Andy McNally who had, on her first day, managed to ruin 8 months of his undercover work. Andy McNally, who on her first day, tackled him in an alley and tried to kiss him. Andy McNally had confronted him in the locker room, as he was undressing, who was pushy and stubborn and thought way too much. Andy McNally who wouldn't shut up, who wouldn't sit down, who was dating boy wonder; Luke Callaghan. Andy McNally who had forced her way into his life, almost slept with him after she killed someone. Andy with her Bambi eyes and perfect skin and athletic build.

Andy McNally who he had fallen in love with.

He wouldn't admit it to himself, let alone anyone else. He always shrugged it off when his friends brought it up, or had witnessed the stares of his coworkers and their hushed whispers. He refused to admit it.

Because once he did, it made it real.

He didn't want to get hurt again. He refused to let it happen. Especially considering she was going to shack up with Lukewarm. But that night, when Callaghan wasn't there for her, she had showed up at his house. She had showed up at his house, pushed him inside, and proceeded to make his love for her all too real.

So when the lights came on, he shut down.

He wouldn't talk to her unless he had to. But as time dragged on, the silence and tension between them was too much. He missed her. Plain and simple. He missed her soft skin and the way her muscles contracted under his hands. The way her mouth slanted over his, the way her hands tangled in his hair. He even missed her constant chatter.

Because he loved her.

He had finally admitted it to himself, but not to anyone else. But he didn't have to. Everyone already knew.

She was his biggest problem in life. She was a problem because she stumbled in and turned his world upside down. It scared him. No, not scared. Terrified him. He couldn't lose her, couldn't be away. She was persistent, yet gentle, and had chipped away at his walls until they crumbled. She knew all his secrets, shared all of hers.

And suddenly, everything seemed a little brighter.

**Finding my wings**

**And all that I needed **

**Was there all along**

**Within my reach**

**As close as the beat of my heart**

"McNally," he drawled, stretching out the syllables of her name. His fingers absentmindedly traced patterns over her bare back, a shiver running through her spine. Her head rested on her right hand, which was propped up using her elbow, while her left hand played with the hair that was scattered over his chest. His right hand, which was trapped under her, reached up and pulled at the end of her hair until she met his eyes.

"Yes?" she asked, a smile sliding onto her face. Her eyes sparkled in the dim light, skin glowing with happiness. Happiness that was caused by him.

"I have a confession," he started, voice low and rough. She perked up at that, slightly afraid. But she decided to mask it with humor.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" His eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed. She was always full of surprises and he probably would never understand her antics. "Because," she continued, "We already have two children. And I did not know you were capable of getting pregnant. That was always my job."

He shook his head, chuckling. "But sweetheart, I thought we agreed that I can at least try," he quipped, not sure where this conversation was headed.

"Shut up," she finally surrendered. "What were you going to say?"

Sam reached up and kissed her forehead. When he pulled back, her eyes were wide and scared, as if the kiss was supposed to prepare her for the worse. After a minute of silence, he admitted, "I think we should try for another baby."

He watched as a flash of emotions crossed her face; confusion, surprise, thoughtfulness, acceptance, and finally, excitement. She grinned widely, pearly white teeth showing. He grinned in return, knowing he would get what he was hoping for. "I think we should discuss it with Jer and Anna, but I think they'd be excited for a new baby," she confirmed.

"Really?" he asked, dimples flashing. She nodded, echoed him, and reached up to kiss him. "How about we start now?" he suggested.

She threw her head back in a laugh. "We have to talk to the kids about it, first."

"Okay," he said, drawing out the first letter. "How about we practice?"

"Sounds good."

Yup. She was all that he needed.

**And I'll taste every moment**

**And live it out loud**

**And oh, this is the time**

**This is the time**

**To be more than a name, or face in the crowd**

**And oh, this is the time**

**This is the time of my life**

**RBRBRB**

**Sorry, if this didn't live up to your standards. But if I'm super lucky, I'll get time to write tomorrow morning. But don't hold your breath. Anyways, follow me on Twitter, as I post fan art for the show. And it'll be fun! I miss you guys already.**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!**

**Hello, my pretties. Did you miss me? I missed you! I spent the last week and a bit in CB, which was super hard to do because my friend was being a total bitch. But oh well. I spent my week surfing and stuff. Met a life guard named Scott. He's ten years older, no big deal. Haha, and the after party for the surfing party was the best part. Mostly because he's a flirty/clingy drunk. Not to mention a nerdy drunk. My favourite!**

**Anyways, this is an original song. Not posted on youtube yet, though. Got to meet with my bandies tomorrow. Also, I didn't watch RB this week, but I had Jen fill me in a bit. Whatever. **

**This song is actually about McSwarek, due to the fact it has been crowding my brain. And I probably won't sleep tonight. Thinking about certain life guards and eating beef jerky don't mix.**

**The song is called "Last First Kiss."**

**Enjoy and I will post a link to the song once it's recorded and stuff.**

**RBRBRBRB**

**I remember the day**

**You came into my life**

**Wasn't too pleased about it**

**Yet somehow you made it right**

Sam Swarek did not like Andy McNally.

The first thing he didn't like about her was the fact she was a rookie. She was scared to mess up, which meant she was one of those got-to-get-everything-right people. Which Sam hated. He could tell how scared she was the second she ordered him and Pedro not to move; eyes wide and unblinking, afraid to close them for half a second because it gave them a chance to run. Her hands were shaking, even though he was positive that if she shot her gun, the bullet could bring him down. She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other, angst and couldn't wait to chase him down.

But she didn't spring into action when he leaped out of the window. Which was good for him, as he could make a getaway. Well, until his guy became star strucked and couldn't move an inch. Which was why Sam angrily turned and grabbed him, pulling him out of the room and down the fire escape.

He couldn't hear her footsteps over his own heavy, sure footed ones. Her voice was what told him her location. Her shaky, hoping to play-off-as-tough voice, bleeding down the side of the building. Every few exchanges of words he would hear a crash, which reminded him that she was light enough to jump from higher places.

He managed to get some speed on her when a certain detective's car began crawling up the alley. He pushed himself up against the brick, pulling Pedro with him; in hopes wonder boy wouldn't see him. He could hear a muffled conversation between Bambi and Callaghan, before he decided to explain to his guy what they were going to do.

He would never admit it, but he had heard her boots around the corner. He was tempted to run, but a quick glance around proved that she was blocking the only exit. And on top of that she had a gun pointed at his chest. Pedro, being the wimp he was, glued himself to the chain link fence, while Sam rested his hands against it. While the rook began cuffing his buddy, he took the opportunity to make a break.

He rounded the corner, but she was already hot on his trail. Her strides were in step with his; up until he tripped over a rock and tumbled towards the ground. He braced himself on his hands, hoping that he'd be able to push himself back up, but her arms were around his waist, holding him down. He turned over, believing he'd be able to push her off, but only succeeding in cracking his back. He tried calming her down and laying out hints that he was on the job, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the feeling of her hand clasped around his and the small spark that pricked his skin.

She didn't listen. Instead, she took him and his convict to Shaw, and brought them into the station. He knew that Oliver had a plan, but it had been foiled by Barber, who had decided that even though he was cuffed and in street clothes, it would be a good time for a reunion.

So he blamed it on her.

It seemed what would be easiest for them all. Instead of blaming his best friend, he could put the blame on an over eager rookie who he had no positive feelings towards. Some girl scout who, on her first day, took down an officer from her own division. A Bambi who hadn't made a big enough impression to be missed. A rookie who had made one of the biggest mistakes of her career within the first 2 hours of having it.

But she was also a strong woman, who was running around trying to clean up the name her father had let crumble into the bottles of scotch and whiskey. Someone who wanted to make a difference in the world, no matter how small that difference was. She wanted the world to be safe and happy and warm. But she was also well aware that it would never be like that. And she had accepted it, yet ceased to see it that way.

She also had guts.

When she followed him into the locker room and proceeded to confront him, he couldn't say he wasn't impressed. Usually, he could give a quick glare and send rookies away with their tails between their legs. But not her. She looked right past his persona and hit him right where it hurts.

When he's half naked.

What was it his sister used to say? _Guys only have two emotions_. Well, maybe it was the way her jaw set in confidence, or her eyes flashing with annoyance. Or her strong stance. But he suddenly needed that shower, because he was far from hungry.

For some reason, he hadn't been able to shake the feeling of her soft skin on his hand. It was permanently engraved in his flesh, and he wanted more. But it was far too early. He didn't know her. But he had the perfect chance to get to do so.

After his shower, he had to talk to Boyko.

**I put my trust in you**

**The day after we met**

**Then we had our almost kiss**

**But you said not yet**

The only thing he had to look forward to that night was getting his truck back. Exiting the Penny, he gave the crappy black car a once over, wondering why the car rental would even recommend it. Didn't matter, he was getting his baby back and that was all that mattered.

It had been a long day; with Anton and Emily. McNally not obeying his orders and putting herself in a dangerous position to save Emily. It was all he needed to prove she had the makings of a true copper. And he would be honored to help her get there.

She had followed him that night, asked if he was sure Anton wouldn't follow Emily out west. He explained that the less people who knew her real location, the better. There was a pause as she took in everything he had said, and as she thought of something to say before he left.

"Were you scared in there?" The vulnerability in her voice surprised him more than the question. This was the first time they were being open, completely open to each other. And they only knew one another for two days. But something about her made him trust her completely, and he became willing to let himself fall.

He ran his tongue over his teeth before flashing a dimpled grin, hoping to relieve some of the tension. "Yeah," he admitted with a court nod. "You?"

Her eyes were full of sincerity, hair falling over her shoulders as she shook her head. He took a moment to notice the dim moonlight dance over her bare shoulders, illuminating her features. She was beautiful. "No. I mean, you were there," she continued, as if it explained everything. Not only did he automatically trust her, she was trusting him.

"Let me give you a ride home," he offered, chucking as a smile pulled at her lips. She took a step forward, as if all she had drunk had suddenly made its way to her head and she was tipsy. He pulled her to him, the spark from the day before stinging his skin in a tantalizing way. He couldn't get enough. "McNally." Her name rolled off his tongue as if the seven letters became the whole alphabet.

Their features suddenly became serious as he leant in. This was it; after spending the night and following day wondering what it'd be like, he finally got to feel what it'd be like to kiss Andy McNally. But as he began to hold his breath, waiting for her lips to brush over his, a hand was placed over his chest, pushing him back. She made up some excuse that she had just started the job and he made a sarcastic remark. The beginning of a system.

**Oh, Bambi, I will wait for you**

**No matter how long it takes**

**Can't promise it'll be easy**

**So how about we test fate **

There was always an undeniable attraction between the partners. They both had trouble admitting it to themselves, let alone other people. But it was there, bubbling beneath the surface. And at times, it was a surprise it never blew up in front of them.

The teasing smiles, small touches that last a bit too long to be innocent. Snarky comments that had major double meaning. Even the heat filled glances that would travel across the room or cruiser and burn holes into the other.

It was only a matter of time before one of them snapped and found themselves on the other's doorstep. And it was Andy who cracked first. Driven by the death of a man in her hands, her judgment clouded by the heat, she made her way to his house. She found her way to knocking on his door. And found her way into his bed, rather than the couch where they should've talked.

She found her way half naked under his shivering form, ready and willing. Found her way to panicking as the lights came back on and a phone call from her boyfriend scaring her out of his home. She found herself letting her broken soul out of his comfort and back into the cruel world to face on her own.

But as her confidence came back, so did the tension. Bubbling right beneath the surface. Still waiting to break.

**We can be friends for now**

**And I will have your back**

**But when he cheats on you**

**I can't promise you I won't kick his ass**

**And I will promise you this**

**I will be your last first kiss**

He was beyond mad when he found out about Callaghan and Rosati. It was a big mix of emotions swirling through his body as she played it off as taking a break. Anger that someone would hurt McNally. His McNally. Someone, she had so willingly gave herself to, had turned their back to her for a woman that couldn't never compare to Andy. No one could.

He also felt amazement could look into her eyes and lie to her, day after day. Those damn eyes that were always filled with trust, and passion. And an innocence to tie it all together. Her eyes were like looking into that of a child's. And it sickened him to think she was lied to again.

Somewhere in his mind, he felt relief. Relief that Callaghan had finally shown his true colours. Relief that Andy had opened her eyes and witnessed him for what he was. He wasn't a man, if anything. But he was mostly relieved that Andy could finally let herself go and be truly happy.

With him.

If he had Andy McNally to himself, he wouldn't want to ever be away. He wouldn't look at another woman and compare the two, because McNally would come out on top, always. He wouldn't go an hour without kissing her lips, or feeling her skin under his hands. She was addictive, and he never wanted to deal with withdrawal from her. She was the best high he'd ever get.

He would let her be friends with men, he wasn't super controlling. As long as she came back at the end of the night to him, to be with him. Only his lips, his hands, his love. Only him. He would never let her go.

**I remember when we got in trouble**

**Because of what was happening and where at**

**Don't worry, we made a promise**

**That we'll never go back**

Two months, three days, 8 hours, and 27 minutes until he would get to see her. He felt rather ridiculous, keeping track of how long it'd be until he'd be in contact with her again. But it gave him something to look forward to.

It'd been about four weeks since their suspension for conduct unbecoming had started. She ran away to North Bay, and he stayed behind. He had already gone through his house and truck, fixed everything. Hung out with the guys and went up to Sarah's for a few days. He had watched countless hours of hockey and brushed up on his cooking skills. He redid the upstairs bathroom and got a new comforter for the bed.

Hell, he even babysat Sarah's dog for a week. He would've brought the kids down, but his house was deemed unworthy for children. So once the week was over, he was packing his stuff and staying at his sister's for a week while she and her husband went on vacation.

That's how he found himself at the park, black dog attached to him by lead. He remembered Andy saying something about going to the park with her dad after her mom had left. They went every weekend as a new family tradition for just the two of them.

He would take his children to this park with Andy in tow, her hand clasped in his. His son could play in the sandbox, or maybe help their daughter on the monkey bars. He would run at full speed when she fell, swooping her up into his protective arms. He'd teach his boy all 101 jokes, and at times like that, get him to crack one to make his little girl smile.

A tug at the leather reminded Sam he wasn't alone. He realized that he had used the dog as an excuse to go to the park, as it would look odd for a grown man to hang out around a playground. He also realized he must've spent more time there then he originally planned, as the sun was setting.

Now, because of studying the jungle gym for so long, Sam wouldn't have any lack of thoughts to his future with Andy.

**I kept myself in line**

**So you wouldn't run out**

**But then "I love you"**

**Slipped out of your mouth**

**I hope you know I do**

**Even though I didn't say it back**

**And you understood**

**So you cut me some slack**

"Andy," he mumbled, trailing a finger down her bare back. She glanced up at him, eyes making contact. Even though she had been giggling with happiness at her earlier confession, and the way home and up the stairs had been full of laughter, everything else had been rather serious that night. He loved the way her face lit up when she had said it, the way her eyes danced with pure joy. Everything was finally right.

"Yes?" she asked, after a moment. Snapping out of his daze, Sam swallowed, trying to figure out how to word his feelings.

"You know stuff like that, I have trouble say-"

"Sam," she interrupted, smiling. "It's okay. I meant what I said in the truck. I don't care if you never say it, or that you've never said it before. It's how I feel. I'm not going to hide that. I can't hide anything from you."

He grinned and pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her hair. "I do, ya know. Even though I didn't say it back, I do." He leant back, hoping to catch her reaction. Exactly what he thought. A huge smile took over her face, and her adorable giggle exploded into the room again. He just found her so irresistible. He wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled her to him, letting her fall on top. His mouth slanted over hers, her fingers curling into his short hair. "Say it again," he begged, the action rather odd for him.

She grinned again and pushed her mouth against his, "I love you, Sam."

**I must be the luckiest guy**

**In the whole entire world**

**Just wanted you to know**

**That I love you, girl**

**oO0OooO0Oo**

**Just so you know**

**How much I regret that night**

**When I blamed you**

**For nothing going right**

**Then I got up and left**

**And you begged me not to**

**The tears streaming down your face**

**Showed me how much damage I could do**

"Hey," she called, making her presence known to the outside world. Her breath was white in the cold winter's air. The chill that ran through her and settled in her bones having nothing to do with the season. It was now or never, and a part of her wished that never was an option. She pulled her zipper up on her coat, waiting for him to turn to face her. "You were right, he was playing us."

"Sorry," he shrugged, trying to sound sincere.

"I would do it again. Even if there's a small chance he was telling the truth," she defended, tossing her hand out to the side.

"You're right," he said, eyes turning to meet hers. "It's our job."

The tears began to prick her eyes and she knew her voice was breaking before she even talked. "I know you're grieving and we all grieve in our own way. But don't take this out on me." She shook her head slightly.

He did the same. "I did take it out on you," he agreed. "I'm sorry."

"If you really blame me for Jerry…"

"I don't," he interrupted, wishing he could take back all the horrible things he's said and was about to say.

"Then why are you so mad at me?"

He shrugged again. She wasn't sure if it was because he was cold or he didn't know the answer. "I'm not mad," he stated. "I just can't, I can't do this anymore."

And with that one stuttered sentence, her whole world fell apart. Her throat became constricted and she couldn't breathe. "Can't do what?"

"I can't be a cop and be with you," he clarified, sending another bullet through her heart.

"Sam, this is not about our job," she begged, still in disbelief.

"We knew this was doomed before we started."

"Look, I tried to talk to you. Okay, I wanna go through this with you. I know you're hurting," she explained.

"You're right, I'm not myself. I don't know, okay? But this is my feeling, my gut. Right now, alright? I can't do this anymore."

She was in utter disbelief. She was hoping this was some sick twisted game that he would pull her into a hug and promise not to leave without a fight after. She furrowed her eyebrows, not understanding what was happening. "You…you don't mean this," she accused.

"Someday, we," he stuttered, taking a few tries to get it out, but she stopped him.

"Don't, okay? Don't take everything we are and button up our relationship in some stupid cliché." His eyes wouldn't meet hers. Once they did, she continued. "Are you saying it's over?"

At his silence, she looked away. The tears were streaming down her face, freely now. And she wasn't even going to hold them back. He did that, he caused them. He deserved to see what he had done. "Then leave. Just get in your truck and go," she instructed.

He was about to say something, but instead turned and climbed into his truck. He refused to acknowledge how her body shook with sobs because if he did, he wouldn't have been able to leave.

**Took a few days to think**

**A few days to clear my head**

**Realized how much I missed you**

**As a I laid alone in bed**

**For the good times**

**And the bad times**

**I love all of it**

**And sweetheart, I swear**

**I will be your last first kiss**

**You're the most forgiving person**

**Full of innocence**

**Oh, I promise you**

**I will be your last first kiss**

**I would never, ever**

**Trade a second of this**

**And copper, I will be**

**Your last first kiss**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Okay, there's a reason I didn't write their makeup scene; there isn't one yet. I may wait until it's aired. That and I am lacking greatly in imagination because it's 2am and I'm exhausted. I mean, I spent Friday night partying. Hah I will never forget what Scott said XD I got a knock on my tent at 2AM yesterday, it was Dave (who I had talked to for only a half hour in my life) asking if I wanted to drink some beer. Sigh, I miss Scott already. But he's sorta ten years older than me :P**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay my peeps, I'm currently babysitting so why not write a chapter? I'm not drawing until tonight, and I still have to record my music, so I'm going to write now. **

**Remember to review because they're my motivation.**

**RBRBRBRB**

**I know I'm still young**

**But I know who I feel **

**I might now have too much experience**

**But I know when love is real**

Sam was never one for PDA, the thought always bothered him. What happens between two people should stay between them in privacy. Maybe it was the fact that he's never known his parents long enough to ever see them happy in public. Or happy at all. But he grew up anti-social, and whenever his foster parents kissed or hugged, he'd cringe.

When he was with Melanie, he would give in to the chaste kisses and small touches. But they were usually guarded and possessive; warning the other guys that she was his. He never really did it out of love and adoration, or just because he could. There was always a reason to have contact with her.

But with Andy, he didn't need a reason. Walking down the street, he would reach down and thread his fingers through hers. Not because there were other guys, but because he could. He liked the feel of her delicate hand grasped in his. It made him feel secure, stable.

Sometimes he would snake an arm around her waist and pull her close in silent want. To tell her that he wanted her closer, feeling her curves pressed against his angles. His fingers curled around her hip, her pelvis hitting off of his as he pulled her to him. She used to stumble into him, but now glided smoothly to him.

There was one day in particular that made him want to rethink how much affection he gave her in public. He was taking her to the local Timmy's, like they always did on their days off. His arm around her waist as they laughed at the memory of Jerry's antics. They were in line, each footstep matching the others. Her left hand had made its way into his left back pocket, resting there in a flirtatious manner.

It was an insanely hot day, so the café had put out tables and chairs. So she decided to go get their food and he could find a table. He agreed of course, not really paying attention to what she was saying. Her denim shorts and tank top had distracted him. She looked younger than usual, more innocent and naïve. So maybe that's how it happened. After all, he was ten years older, and that day it had really shown.

A man, about Sam's age, was seated at the table next to theirs, with what appeared to be his wife. He had buzzed brown hair, a clean shaven face and mature features. His wife, blonde hair and blue eyes, appeared to be around the same age as him. They were both dressed professionally, probably on their lunch break.

He tried to ignore the feeling that they were watching him when he sat down. He waited patiently for Andy to return, looking anywhere but at the couple seated next to him. The sun was hot, but their gaze made him want to squirm. Normally, people watching him never bothered him, but he was suddenly feeling judged.

He wished that he could be home, curled up with Andy with the AC blowing on them. But he wasn't willing to break the tradition of having lunch at Tim's on their days off. No matter how annoyed he was getting.

He looked up when the front doors swung open and Andy stepped out, tray in hand. She balanced the food and drinks like a pro, probably due to waitressing as a teenager. Her long tan legs strode in confidence that she had gained with her job. A smile let up her face when he made eye contact, and he couldn't help but grin back. She placed the tray carefully on the table, pulling her food to rest by her seat before sitting down.

"Hey," she greeted, bangs falling in her face. She pulled the sandwich out of the bag, resting it on the paper, before taking a sip of lemonade. Her eyes shifted back up to his, and she noticed his admiration flicker briefly in them, causing her to blush.

"Hi," he grinned back. He rested his chin on his hand, propped up on the table. Watching her squirm under his gaze almost made him forget about the couple watching him. But their gaze was hot and judgmental, and he wanted to know what the hell their problem was. He turned his eyes to glance at them, instantly missed looking at McNally. They were still watching him, and the lack of his eyes on her made Andy turn her head to see what he was looking at.

Sam could tell what they were unhappy about; his age compared to hers. It could've seemed that he was taking advantage of her innocence and was using her for his own selfish needs. Probably because she seemed especially young that day.

Andy, being the more outgoing of the two, could tell what he was thinking. She gave him a reassuring smile and reached over to grab his hand, silently telling him that she didn't care what others thought. He grinned back, dimples showing. He pulled her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. She blushed again, hardly able to contain how happy it made her when he showed PDA.

A cough from the adjacent table caught their attention. They tore their eyes away from each other, and showed their neighbors that they were aware of their presence. "May I help you?" Sam asked, trying not to sound annoyed. But he couldn't help it, his rough tone surprised them.

"Can you please keep your touching and kissy faces to a minimal? It's just that it bothers me a bit," the man informed, politely. Andy nodded, and apologized. But it was annoying Sam as he just became comfortable with it and was suddenly being told to stop.

"Sorry, buddy," Sam apologized, trying to keep his cool. His temper was rather short for this man, but he could show Andy all the affection he wanted when they got home. "Do you wanna get out of here?" he asked Andy. She gave a smile and nodded as he winked at her. She put her hardly touched sandwich in the bag, placed it in her purse, and grabbed her lemonade.

She rounded the table and reached for his hand. He grabbed it happily, pulling himself from his chair. She turned to exit to seating area but he pulled her back until she crashed into his chest. He cupped the back of her head and pressed his mouth to hers. It started slow and simple until she pressed herself into him, deepening the kiss. They remained like that, locked in their embrace, until a cough from the man interrupted them. Sam growled, pulled away, but kissed her quickly, before smiling at the man and waving good bye.

Once out of ear shot, Andy stopped the silence. "So I guess we aren't eating at that Timmy's today?"

Sam chuckled, "We have far better things to do with our time than deal with them. Besides, we'll stop there during work tomorrow."

She nodded, linking her hand with his and bumped her head off his shoulder. He was starting to like the whole PDA thing.

**By the way my heart starts pounding**

**When I look into your eyes**

**I may look silly**

**With my arms stretched open wide**

Sam felt beyond guilty. It was more like someone had repeatedly stabbed him in the heart, and then squeezed it until it stopped. He spent night after night alone, and before bed he would drink scotch until he couldn't remember why he was crying. He didn't want to be with her because of what happened to Jerry. He should've had his back, and instead he got him killed. That speech made for Jerry's wedding sent him over the edge. He thought he just needed space to think, but instead he needed to be gone so she could live.

He had her back, too. But with his luck, she would end up like Jerry; lying dead on the floor. He couldn't bear the thought that it would happen to her. He finally found out how it was to lose someone he cared about. But if it were Andy, he wouldn't have been able to go on.

So he pushed her away. It seemed like a rational idea. Separate him from the woman he loved the most and spare him the heartbreak. Spare her the pain of being with him. The trouble he causes. The walls he put up.

He's still stubborn. And selfish. And he refuses to open up, so she knows nothing about him. He feels bad for keeping his walls up to her, but it's easier that way. He doesn't want to scare her off by all his baggage. He knows she wouldn't leave him, but he still has that voice in the back of his head saying such.

But he's spent weeks alone in bed, the cold spot next to him was supposed to be filled by her warm body. He finally got tired of going home alone. It wouldn't matter if he had someone to go home to, he would still be alone. He wanted to go home to her. Not anyone else.

So he had to get her back.

He wasn't sure who to ask to find her. He couldn't ask Diaz, he wasn't exactly Sam's biggest fan at the moment. Epstein was god knows where. Peck was still recovering. And Nash was grieving much like Sam, so he wouldn't bother her. But she was awfully friendly with Collins. So maybe he would know.

Sam scrolled through his phone until he came upon his name. He was still a little wary to ask someone he hardly knew if they knew where Andy was. But he had to try, and better safe than sorry.

He put the phone to his ear and waited as it rang. He presumed that Collins would check his caller ID and be confused as to why he was calling. But on the third ring, he picked up.

"Collins," he informed, sounding slightly out of breath. He knew that Nick and Gail went home together, but he quickly shook the image from his mind.

"Do you know where McNally is?"_Could you have been any blunter?_

He heard Nick chuckle on the other line, "At her apartment. She told me she was tired."

Sam mumbled a thank you, and then hung up. Turning his phone on silent, as to not be interrupted with his plan, he raced to his truck. Jumping in, he sped through the familiar streets until he arrived at her apartment. He parked the truck around the corner and ran up to the sidewalk.

The rain made him shiver, his clothes soaked and stuck to his clammy flesh. The night sky was black, and even without the street lights, he'd be able to find her apartment. He pulled out his phone and punched in her number, waiting a few moments before she answered.

"Sam?" she asked, voice surprised. Not the he could blame her; he hardly ever talked to her anymore. He nodded, and then realized she couldn't see him.

"Look out your window," he instructed, his throat feeling suddenly small and tight. Which he only ever got with the fear of rejection. She made a noise, suggesting that she would deny the plan, but he stopped her. "Please, McNally. Just do it."

The light in her apartment flickered on and she appeared at the window, eyes darting around. They finally landed on his soaked form, lights dancing off his wet skin. Her eyes were wide and eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Her hair was messy and her shorts and top were wrinkled. She couldn't sleep either.

"What do you want, Sam?" She was becoming defensive, and Sam only had one chance. He waved his hand, as if beckoning her to come outside. She put up a finger, and he could see her move to get a coat. He waited for what seemed like forever until she came outside.

Instantly, the rain matted her hair. She stood about fifteen feet away, afraid that if she was any closer, all her hard work would be over with. She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted from one foot to the other.

With one final breath, Sam stretched his arms out to either side of him, fingers stretching out. He made sure to not have them cuffed. She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to go on. He glanced around the empty street. _Now or never_.

"**I love you this big**

**Eyes have never seen this big**

**No one's ever dreamed this big**

**And I'll spend the rest of my life **

**Explain what words cannot describe**

**But I'll try**

**I love you this big."**

A smile began pulling at her lips, and she couldn't help but be overwhelmed. This man, who wouldn't open up to anyone and kept himself guarded, had just risked making a fool of himself just to prove how much he cared for her. She only then noticed his eyes were wide and still and she knew he was afraid that she was rejecting him.

She took the final steps towards him, and reached out her hands. Her cold fingers wrapped around his forearms, which were still wide open. She moved so that she was pressed against him, and pulled his arms closed around her. As soon as she let go of his arms, he tightened them and buried his face in her neck, inhaling her scent.

"I miss you so much," he confessed, placing a kiss on her shoulder. She pulled back and cupped his jaw in her hands. She pulled his head down to hers and lightly placed her kips on his. She didn't have to wait because he instantly deepened the kiss, remembering how it felt to be with her.

The remained in their embrace for as long as they could before the cold got to them. "Want to come up to my apartment, and talk?" she asked. He only nodded, letting her lead the way.

**I'll love you to the moon and back**

**I'll love you all the time**

**Deeper than the ocean**

**And higher than the pines**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Oh my god. This was so hard to write. Maybe because I took a break in between, which I never do. But my brain juices aren't flowing today. Sorry if you didn't like it. Oh well, maybe I'll stick to drawing for now.**


	16. Chapter 16

**News, news, news. I am going to start out by saying that I am starting an original novel. Guess what it's about? Police. Oh yes, cops. How original. It's going to take a while, so I do not know how much I am going to be updating these stories.**

**I know you guys want me to continue **_**Any Closer and Bang**_**, and maybe I will in the future. But for now, I just need to focus on **_**After Burn **_**and **_**Days of Doubt**_**. But because I cannot get my brain juices flowing, I'm going to update this.**

**On another note, I have decided to be a beta. You guys all know my beta, Falesification223, and if you haven't checked them out, do so. I can't edit my own work, no matter how hard I try. But give me someone else's, watch out. Anyways, if you are interested in me being your beta, make a connection.**

**Without further ado, another chapter.**

**RBRBRBRB**

**I've been awake for awhile now**

**You got me feeling like a child now**

**Coz every time I see your bubbly face**

**I get the tingles in a silly face**

"Sam," she whined, poking her finger in his ribs. He snorted in his sleep, subconsciously pushing her hand away. He rolled over, trying to get away from the annoying hand. She giggled, poking him again. His snort sounded more like he was choking on his tongue, and she giggled some more. His unconscious antics always made her sleepless nights fun.

It wasn't like she couldn't sleep with him; him being there made all the difference in her slumber cycle. But sometimes she would drink coffee late without even knowing, and she would be forced to stay up alone, usually because she had tired him out. So she would lay awake for hours, just watching him.

That night, though, she didn't want to be alone. But she didn't want to wake him. So poking him and laughing at his reaction was enough interaction for her. For someone who everyone assumed to be the worse morning person ever (which he was), he had softened a bit. To the point where he would smile in the morning.

His most pleasant time, when he was supposed to be asleep, was the middle of the night. Waking him up randomly had always lead to such adventurous conversation. Which she had always enjoyed. Something about a half asleep Sam always intrigued her. He was more oblivious, simple innuendos that went over his head. His speech was slurred and voice low, the way she always found amusing. He gave his goofy smiles, dimples poking out. But his relaxed state was what she enjoyed the most.

The wrinkles around his eyes smoothed out, only crinkling in amusement. His face was overall relaxed, as was his body. Everything about his was calm and happy. His immaturity made him act more like a four year old, rather than the thirty-seven year old he was.

Her index finger dug into his lower back, making him arch his spine. He reached his arm back to swat away her wandering hands, flapping sleepily in the air before dropping to his side. She giggled once more, wondering how long it would be until he'd wake.

"Sam," she whispered harshly. He jumped at her tone, spooking awake. He groaned, annoyed, and then turned over to see her. She was wearing his academy t-shirt, hair messy, and a goofy grin on her face. He shot a playful glare, which only sent her into another fit of giggles.

A smile broke out on his face; he loved to see her happy, that she knew. His eyes would light up, as would his whole expression. She always loved to see him happy due to the fact she was happy. Hence becoming happier at his happiness for her happiness. It was just a giant cycle, really.

"Can I help you, McNally?" he asked politely. Her laughter died down and he reached up to cup her jaw in his hand, running his thumb over her cheek. She grinned and turned her head, playfully nipping at his palm. He pulled back, feigning hurt. She started laughing again, and he took the opportunity to pounce.

He grabbed her sides, fingers digging into the muscle. She shrieked at the invasion, jumping back. He laughed at her reaction. Her arms flailing about, trying to push him off. She only succeeded in twisting herself around, falling across his stomach on her back. Her head fell back, lying by his diaphragm. Her body spasm in panic, but she was well aware he wouldn't hurt her.

"Stop," she gasped. "Please!" She was howling with laughter, and he was chuckling along with her. He seemed to have decided to let her off the hook, as his movements stilled. He wrapped his hands around her, pulling her up so she was sitting in his lap.

He hooked a finger under her chin, turning her so she was looking him in the eye. She could feel his breath wash over her face, his nose brushing hers. He smoothed some of her hair back, eyes briefly shifting to her lips. "Do you want me to stop now?"

She shook her head no and closed the remaining distance.

**The rain is falling on my window pane**

**But we are hiding in a safer place**

**Under covers stayin' safe and warm**

**You give me feelings that I adore**

The rain was beating down outside; hard. The sky was a dark grey and the constant _ping, ping, ping _of the rain was soothing to her. She had always loved the rain. The consistency and overall beauty always captivated her. Maybe it was her spring birthday; it had always rained on it. It was the only thing she knew she could look forward to.

At the moment, there was one thing more soothing than the rain; Sam.

She wasn't sure if it was his hand; which was trailing up and down her back. Or if it was his heartbeat, located under her ear so that she could hear it with even greater force. It didn't matter which one, his presence alone was enough for her. She loved spending time with him, doing nothing, saying nothing. But meaning everything.

She lifted her head and tucked it under his chin, pulling herself closer to him. His hands pulled the blanket tighter around them, before his strong grip returned to enclose her in his safe embrace.

There were many things she felt at moments like that; warm, fuzzy, safe, calm, and loved. Mostly loved. And in his arms, she felt as if no one could touch her; no one could hurt her. She was protected. And even though she usually found his protection slightly over-bearing, she had to admit that she loved every second of it.

She loved every second of him, and with him, she was finally happy.

**It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose**

**Wherever it goes I always know**

**That you'll make me smile, please stay for a while, now**

**Holding me tight, wherever you go**

**RBRBRBRB**

**Oh, man, I'm feeling so good tonight! I'm actually so happy it's ridiculous. You see, I just got out of an unhealthy friendship and the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders! I just wanna dance around, but I can't right now. It is 10:40 here. **

**And my last day of summer is going to be spent bathing my Molly. I'm sort of afraid to bath MJ, he is way too skinny to look at wet. But I'm happy, all my writing is good. As is my art. And music. And friends and dog shows and pets and **_**gah! **_**I want to hug you all so much!**

**Also, if you want me to beta you, make a connection.**

**Love you all!**

***hugs***

**Ps. My laptop tried to correct "beta" to "beat". Hmmm…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Guys….did you know Days of Doubt has over 50 reviews? That's over half of one hundred. Do you think by the end I'll have over 100? I hope so, because you guys are awesome and I love hearing from you. **

**So, the Youth Group thing is going well so far. I have to finish writing my application and send it in (essay, grades, volunteer work, and all other things), and I am going to Jen's after to complete that.**

**I know none of you are wondering, but I am currently on my break. I'm helping my mom at her family owned business. I'm currently in the back room with the cat, because I'm cool like that. So much for not going anywhere this morning. (It's 9:50, btw.)**

**And this chapter is brought to you by MamaluvsRB, who has been an excellent reader friend of mine. And she shared the featured song, along with the whole album. I am hooked; I've been listening to the album all week. **

**Oh yeah, this is set somewhere in the future after Project Dakota finished.**

**RBRBRB**

**Where did all the people go?**

**They got scared when the lights went low**

**I'll take you through it nice and slow**

**As the world's spinning out of control**

Alone.

That is the one word able to describe her feelings. She was not only alone in her room, or her apartment, she was alone in the world. She had no one, at that moment. The one moment she needed someone, there was no one around.

She had become best friends with Nick, during the operation, but she refused to bother him anymore. Gail was with Traci, at where she assumed was the graveyard. They had called and asked if she wanted to come; she politely declined, feeling out of place. Chris and Dov were busy, doing who knows what.

Maybe she was just over-thinking again. It wasn't like she expected him to drop everything for her, but his new girlfriend was taking over his life. She loved seeing her dad happy, she did. And Maggie was as sweet as could be. But she missed being her dad's everything; the one to help him back on his feet, to go to dinner with, have a movie day. She missed it.

Her initial plan for that day had been spending it with her dad. But when she called to see what time he wanted her over, he asked if they could reschedule. She allowed it, of course, never one to deny her father happiness. He forgot what day it was; and everyone else was wrapped up in something emotional. So she faded into the background.

It's not that Traci and Gail and the guys forgot, for they had gone out to breakfast. But other than that, nothing.

It wasn't unusual for her to be spending her birthday alone; she did it all the time as a teenager. Her dad would be drunk or passed out, and she would sit up in her room. She'd sing _happy birthday_ to herself, softly. And even blew out a candle on the cupcake she baked earlier that day. But her breaths were usually shaky, as she would be fighting tears.

It had been the first time since she was a teenager that she spent her birthday alone.

She wondered if she could call her mother, but it seemed like a bad idea. Her mother didn't exactly deserve to spend that day with her, but she was lonely. So maybe…

Three knocks on her door startled her. She jumped in surprise, clutching at her collarbone. Rolling her eyes at her shot nerves, she pulled herself off the couch. She padded to the door, flannel pajama pants sliding under her feet, almost making her slip. When she reached the door, she grasped the door knob to steady herself, not really caring who was on the other side. She pulled the door open, and took a step back to prevent getting hit in the head by the door.

There on the other side of the door, stood the one person she really wanted to spend her birthday with. The one person who she had missed horribly the six months she disappeared. The person who changed into a detective, ultimately choosing her over the streets. The man she had been in love with for three years.

"Sam," she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.

He gave a dimpled grin, holding up a gift bag. She pulled the door open, inviting him in. He took his time entering, as if he was unsure if he was still welcome.

He was stiffer, compared to how he used to walk around. He used to make his way around her apartment as if it had been his own. He knew where everything was, and never asked to use anything. What was hers was his. She only wished it could have been the other way around.

"Hey," he finally breathed, after placing the bag on the island. He leaned on the counter, arms crossed over his chest. She missed him there; in her home. She missed him being around. She missed him. "Happy birthday," he grinned, cheerfully.

She rolled her eyes, "It's been anything but."

His eyebrows furrowed together and he reached his arms out, silently beckoning her. She listened, taking careful steps towards him. She stood directly in front of him, so close she could feel his breath. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, like he used to do before he kissed her. Well, he used to do a lot of things before he kissed her, usually holding her in place as if he were afraid she'd run away.

Her eyes met his for what seemed like the first time. Instead of annoyance, because she took him down, she found love. Or what she hoped to be.

"What have you been up to for the last six months?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Waiting." Sam said plain and simple.

_He waited? For six months? Adding onto the years prior before they got together. Would he have waited still if I didn't go to his cover apartment?_ Her head suddenly filled with questions she was dying to ask, but she was still trying not to cry. She wasn't sure if it was because she had felt alone, or that she suddenly felt safe. Safe, for the first time in months.

She gave a shy smile, suddenly becoming distracted by his lips. He got the memo, his eyes flicking from hers to her mouth. He cupped her jaw in his hand, like he used to do, and lowered his mouth to hers. He hesitated, though, and she opened her eyes slightly to figure out why. His eyes were only fluttering shut, and they met. Brown orbs boring into his brown onyx eyes. His warm breath washed over her, and she took his closeness as a queue. Snaking her arms around his waist, she slanted her lips over his.

They were careful at first, hardly moving. But the hand that cupped her jaw had tangled itself in her hair, pulling her closer. She responded with equal fever, hands pulling at his shirt, trying to cling to anything.

He pulled back almost too soon, kissing her quickly before resting his forehead on hers. He gave a smile, breathing heavily. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," he bet. She swallowed, licked her lips, and grinned back at him.

"I've missed you," she admitted.

He kissed her again, chastely. "Can we start over?" he begged.

She made a move to pull back, but his hand held her in place. "Every couple only gets one breakup. We can't keep doing the on-again-off-again."

"And we won't, Andy," he promised. He lowered himself so he could look directly in her eyes. "We'll work at it. I'll work at it, every day. I meant what I said, I'll show you every day until you let me back in."

She furrowed her eyebrows, knowing that whatever she said would be their make or break. She took the final step, to close the distance she created, and pulled his lips to hers. Kissing him hard, she tried to express what she couldn't say in a kiss. Pulling back, she took a shuddering breath. "How do we start?" she asked, echoing his words from a year and a half ago.

He brushed his nose over hers, remembering how that conversation ended. He pressed his lips to her forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally her lips. She wound her fingers in his thick hair, pulling him closer. Before it could get out of hand, he pulled back. She looked at him, confused. "I love you," he murmured. She grinned, pulling him back down.

**Afraid of what they might lose**

**Might get scraped or they might get bruised**

**You could beg them, what's the use?**

**That's why it's called a moment of truth**

Not in the entire time he knew him, Oliver Shaw had never witnessed Sam in love. Or someone in love with Sam. Women had always kept themselves guarded with him, as he did to her. Neither fully gave themselves to the other, no one wanted to get hurt. He'd watch Sam date casually every now and again, but most women he brought home never met Oliver. They had never lasted long enough to do so. And the only female friend Sam ever had been Noelle. All others were just coworkers.

So it hadn't gone undetected by Shaw when he noticed Andy first weasel herself under Sam's skin. He didn't think Sam noticed, but Oliver did. He noticed that Sam had been friendly with McNally the first day they were partnered. Maybe Sammy just thought it was a TO thing, to be friendly, as Sam had never been a TO with a woman, therefore didn't know how they thought.

Both parties had been unaware of their flourishing relationship. Or, they hadn't, would be the better term. They knew there was an underlying sexual tension, right from the start. But McNally was with Callaghan, making her untouchable. That was probably the only reason they were 'friends'.

Also because it'd be easier for Sam to have some of her, than none at all. That's when Shaw first noticed it. When the woman Sam is after is taken, Sam normally backs off. He'd leave her be until she and her boyfriend broke up, then he'd make his move.

But he didn't back off for Andy. Maybe it was because they were partners, but Shaw didn't believe that. The locker room talks, long looks across the room, those weren't ones of partners. They were hardly ones of friends. No, those looks were ones of people who loved each other. People who were too afraid to admit it.

That's how they got back to square one.

Except, they weren't guarded from one another. They had bared themselves to each other fearlessly, which surprised him. But they still refused to admit their feelings. It had taken time, but she made the first move. She told him she loved him, or so the gossip mill says.

He knows for a fact how it happened; it was in her wedding speech after all.

Sam had said it after they broke up; the day she was holding a bomb. Shaw knew why; Sam's effort to break things off so he wouldn't feel in situations like that one had failed. It was a make or break moment. Andy could have died at any second, so of course Sam would blurt it out.

Andy was the one guarded, after. She ran away, again. But Oliver couldn't blame her. Sometimes the best way to realize you love someone is to get away. She came back in one piece, luckily. And Shaw witnessed Sam, a new detective, clench and unclench his fists, itching to touch her.

It wasn't long after that, that they got back together. They were stronger than ever, finally admitting their feelings and letting all their guards down.

And for the first time, Oliver Shaw had seen Sam in love.

**My aim is so true**

**I want to show you**

**I'll try forever**

**I'm never going to say surrender**

"_Andy, what I said to you…" How could he open up to her? He tried, but he couldn't be bared to the world for so long. He didn't want to tell her in the locker room that he really did in fact love her. _

_She shook her head, putting her clothes in her locker. "It's okay, I get it. Heat of the moment." He wanted to yell at her then, tell her she got it wrong. But for some reason, he was stuck._

"_No, I meant it. It's true." He stood up to stand beside her. Her eyes were wide at his admission. But out of habit, he retracted his words, "There are 206 bones in the human body. I seen it on Grey's Anatomy." Grey's Anatomy? Really Sam? If it hadn't been for her, you would have never watched that show._

_He watched as her eyes filled with hurt and she quickly grabbed her stuff. She stalked past him quickly, not turning around to give him a second glance. "I'm going home," she huffed._

_He ran after her, not wanting to let his stupidity let her slip away again. He opened his arms wide, as if he was in shock of her reaction. "Hey," he called after her. "Come on."_

_She kept walking, "You don't get to do this anymore, okay?"_

"_McNally," he raised his voice._

_She turned then, angrily. She had a wicked look in her eyes that would make him normally want to jump her. But at that moment, it scared him. "I don't care if you're serious. I don't care if you're joking. I don't care anymore. Okay, so just leave me alone," she warned. She made a move to head out of the locker room, but he was hot on her heals._

"_I'll never going to leave you alone. I screwed up, okay? Things got tough and I walked away. I thought I was doing the right thing." He hoped she understood, after all, she thought she was doing the right thing when she left for three months. But she hadn't told you she loved you, yet._

_She stopped abruptly and faced him, anger flashing in her eyes. "Do you have any idea what you put me through? You broke up with me in a parking lot and for six weeks I tried to contact you. You never once answered one of my calls."_

"_Andy," he tried, but she cut him off._

"_No."_

_Andy, I'm-" He refused to give up._

"_Sam, it's too late, I can't do this anymore." She turned again, headed for the main doors. He was in front of her a second later, hands up as if he were ushering her back._

"_Okay, you know, you don't have to do anything. I'll do it all." She stopped to listen, and Sam took it as his mark to keep going. "I'm going to do everything, okay? I'm going to show you every single day until you say yes. I'm going to make you dinner, I'm going to take out your garbage, I'm going to walk your dog."_

"_I don't have a dog," she argued._

"_Then let's get a dog. Labradoodle, mutt from the pound. I don't care. Let's take him home and name him Boo. Boo Radley, I always loved that name for a dog."_

"_Boo Radley," she scoffed, trying not to laugh._

"_Okay, look," her eyes met his, "Let's just start with a drink? Just a drink? Please Andy, just give me a chance." He was practically begging. At her silence, he finished his offer. "I'll be at the Penny."_

**I'll get it, if you need it**

**I'll search if you don't see it**

**You get thirsty, I'll be rain**

**You get hurt I'll take your pain**

**I know, you don't believe it**

**But I said it, and I still mean it**

**When you heard what I told you**

**If you get worried I'll be your soldier**

He wished he could take away her pain, that she could stop hurting. But it was no use. The best he could do was hold her shaking body as she begged him for answers. Answers he could not give. He could have said 'I told you do', as he did warn her before. But he knew that he would never utter those words to her when she was hurting.

He could never tell her why her mother left, again. He wished that he could protect her from getting hurt anymore, that he could kiss away the pain. But his efforts would be useless against her heart break.

Sam would do anything for her, anything he could possibly do. If she needed something, he would get it before she could get a chance to move. He would repeatedly tell her, as she cried, those words. She needed to know she was loved, that she didn't do anything to make her mom leave.

He wasn't sure she believed them, but he knew those words were true. They rarely ever said them, oddly enough. The words only being uttered on special occasions or intimate moments. Well, her crying and falling apart in his arms was intimate, so he chanted those words like a prayer. She needed to hear them, and he needed to say them.

The difference was, they both knew he meant it. He wasn't Luke, he didn't throw the words around. He said them because he meant them.

Her sobs were becoming silent and he could still feel the wet spot her tears left on his shirt. He continued rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. Her body was becoming limp and he knew she was falling asleep, but she tried to stay awake. He didn't know why, but she didn't want to rest.

"Sam," she hiccupped. He quieted her, quickly. Picking her up and placing her on the bed, he pulled the sheet around her before he stripped himself of his clothes and joined her. Wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"I love you."

**RBRBRB**

**I hope I didn't disappoint. Being sick sucks, you know. My mind is all foggy, so MamaluvsRB, I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Gosh, I'm actually scared for the interview. I have to do that, a camp, and an exam. I don't know when yet, but I will let you guys know so you're aware I am not abandoning you.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I feel like, in my terribly long absence, I should at least explain myself. So let me tell you how the past few months have gone since I last wrote. If you don't want to know, you don't need to read and can skip to the story. Rather than joining the police program I was telling you about, I decided to join Air Cadets instead. I ran a marathon, and continue to train for more. I got a new puppy, which is exciting. I became part of the Doctor Who fandom (long time coming), I fell in and out of love with one direction (dark times) and while I wrote a bit, it was not much. I still drew every now and again, and I learned more about where I come from.**

**But it hasn't been all shits and giggles. The real reasons I haven't been writing is I went through some tough times. For years prior, I have had depression and anxiety and they had only worsened. I also showed signs of anorexia and I have bulemia. And after two suicide attempts and a body of scars later, I feel as though I should get back to writing because I recently logged back on and looked at some of the reviews and they made me want to write again.**

**I plan on updating Days of Doubt ASAP, but since I technically do not have Word, I can't. So I'm going to update this and we'll see.**

**Hope I don't disappoint.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or the song.**

_Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now_

_Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same_

_When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down_

_'Cause my heart breaks a little bit when I hear your name _

"How are you sleeping, Sammy?" Oliver questioned suddenly, turning to face his best friend.

"Oliver," he warned. Sam swirled the scotch in his glass, eyebrows raised in the beginning of annoyance with his coworkers antics. The Penny was fairly empty, but considering it was a Tuesday night, he wasn't very surprised. Sam glared at his drink, pretending to be studying a nonexistent speck floating in in the liquid. Andy, a newer employee at the bar, wiped the counter down with a rag, sharing a look not too subtly with Oliver.

"C'mon Swarek," the barkeeper teased, slinging the cloth over his shoulder. He leaned on the wood curiously, seemingly ignoring the few officers at the other side of the counter who were possibly off the next day as well.

Sam's shoulders slumped foward because, no, he was not sleeping good. In fact, his bed had suddenly become harder than normal. He never minded the rock-like feeling before, but lately it had gotten to him. And by lately, he means 5 months. Because for a good portion of the last year, there had been no soft body to counter-act the hard bed. Of course, he had Marlo. But something about her lacked the same delicacy as one Andy McNally. Her skin wasn't as soft, nor were her curves. His hands didn't rest on her hips quite as lovingly as they did Andy's. Both women were made of muscle, but there was something that was just _Andy _that lacked in the relationship.

It was also cold. His bed, for some reason, felt colder. He radiated heat, anyways, but Marlo didn't. He shouldn't have felt cold with her, because McNally also seemed to drain him of heat. But late at night, curled under the covers, he and McNally were positively glowing.

"Yeah, brother, does she do her justice?" Oliver interrupted. He and Andy were still staring him down, waiting for his answer.

"Does who do her justice?" Sam fired back, playing dumb. Oliver rolled his eyes and slapped a hand on Sam's shoulder.

"You can be happy all you want with Marlo, Sammy. I have nothing against her. But you're different now. Does she make you woo-girl happy?" Oliver continued.

"I'm not different. Maybe I just grew up." Sam was beginning to get annoyed.

Andy and Oliver gave shocked reactions. Andy began, "That's bad."

"Very bad, indeed," Oliver agreed. "Sam, at your age, you want someone to keep you young. Not to make you grow up."

Sam rolled his eyes at Ollie's jab at his age. '_40 is not old, I don't even have grey hairs.' 'That's because you have no one to give you them.'_

_It all just sounds like oooooh…_

_Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize_

_That I should have bought you flowers_

_And held your hand_

_Should have gave you all my hours_

_When I had the chance_

_Take you to every party_

_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_

_Now my baby's dancing_

_But she's dancing with another man_

Andy averted her eyes from the couple playfully swaying to the music on the improvised dance floor. _Urgh, _she thought, _couple. _It wasn't like she expected Sam to wait six months for her. She had only hoped he would have understood why she left, and that she wasn't going to be _that _girl. She sure as hell didn't expect him to move on so quickly. But what surprised her the most was how little he seemed to be affected by it. It was like hardly anything happened. When they had almost slept together the night of the blackout, it had been awkward for a long time. But after everything they went through, it was as if he felt no tension between them whatsoever.

She expected him to turn down her request for a drive to the Penny, and she wasn't quite sure what she expected to happen in his truck. She briefly wondered if he allowed Marlo to ever drive his truck. They seemed fairly serious, but _key to his truck _serious? That was still pending. _She probably wouldn't crash his precious baby, _she thought bitterly. _Yeah, well, she runs funny._

Andy shook her head at her pure childishness. Sam seemed to have wanted a mature adult because she wasn't Andy. Andy was not a mature adult. She found joy in the most innocent things and the best in the worst people. She found salvageable parts in broken hearts and tried constantly to mend them. She had seen many tragic things and witnessed the strongest people fall apart and even die.

Andy felt her chest tighten. _Goddamnit Jerry, _she cursed mentally. He had taken a part of everyone with him in his passing. Whether that was Traci, or Sam, Ollie, and even the rookies. She knew that if he had still been around, everything would have turned out. _Everything happens for a reason, right?_

Maybe that's why Sam liked Marlo; she related to him better. She didn't make excuses for things. Murderers were just killers, damaged people were damaged usually beyond repair. She had seen the strongest people fall apart and let that affect how much she viewed their strength.

_"Why her?"_

_"She's not you."_


End file.
